Posted on August 12, 2019
Top 10 Movies That Desperately Need An Arcade Beat Em’ Up Adaptation
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
Movies That
Desperately Need
An Arcade
Beat Em’ Up Adaptation
Insert Imagination
Just in case your wondering… I LOVE beat em’ ups! They’re stupidly simple while at the same time being a pleasure to the senses with usually impressive graphics and sounds. During the ‘tude era, the genre was especially effective at drawing people in thanks to these traits which is why they translated into being the ultimate quarter munchers at the arcades. No matter if you were loitering around at your local liquor store or waiting for your upcoming showtime at the movie theater, beat em’ up games (such as Captain Commando 
and The Simpsons 
) provided the perfect time-wasting distraction helping to fuel the imagination further than it had been before.
Speaking of movies… I love them as well (who doesn’t really?) especially the awesome action romps of the 80’s and 90’s such as The Terminator 
and Demolition Man 
just to name a few. These fast-paced thrillers set the bar in the realm of science-fiction during this time coinciding with the rise of video game popularity which lead to an eventual blending of the two in the form of movie-licensed games (direct transitions aiming to tell the same exact story as the film with some liberties such as The Terminator on NES 
or Demolition Man on the Sega Genesis 
) as well as titles clearly inspired by films but not direct adaptations (like how Contra 
poaches obvious ideas from the Alien franchise 
while shrewdly avoiding any copyright issues). Unfortunately, the quality of these titles left a lot to be desired (for the most part) with clunky designs and boring mechanics however consumers continued to gobble them up thanks in large part to the built-in cast, setting and plot which excited gamers (and then quickly disappointed them) to the concept of enriching the film’s experience even further in virtual form. I mean, how the hell are you really supposed to make a game based on comprehensive stories involving time-traveling robots or dystopian cops and robbers anyways? While developers struggled to find answers to these and many other movie-licensed games coming out during this period (just try playing some of The Terminator on NES, I DARE you!), we ultimately continued to dip our hands into the action/platforming fray with futility hoping that we could get some kind of uniquely awesome experience, yet time after time results were lackluster leaving us wanting more.
This got me thinking… how come there isn’t more movie-licensed arcade beat em’ ups? It really is a genre that works well in terms of accessibility to new players (something the consoles seemed to have the most difficulty with) plus there’s plenty of room for story narration with cut-scenes during and in-between levels. I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in the reality that getting all the rights to these films would be a logistical marathon for even the sleaziest of lawyers but screw that noise… some movies desperately need an arcade beat em’ up adaptation and I’m here to scour the ‘tudiest action bonanzas that Hollywood has to offer to see which ones seamlessly fit into the world of right-walking badasses who punch and kick everything in sight all for the sake of points and a happy ending.
Now first off, not every action movie is going to be perfectly translatable into the beat em’ up realm so some parameters are gonna have to be set in order to keep the list coherent and understandable. For instance, most of these arcade-style brawlers are multiplayer consisting of anywhere between 2 and 6 cooperative gamers fighting together to achieve a common goal which means that the best movies to mesh into this formula would be ones that contain 2 or more main protagonists which can represent the playable characters for the game. This, of course, negates the prospects for lone hero films such as First Blood (Rambo) 
and Commando 
from making this list which should help to narrow things down a bit. Instead, look for movies that contain either 2 stars sharing top-bidding (something like 48 Hrs. 
perhaps) or a group working together (such as Young Guns 
) that many different players can control.
Additional to multiple protagonists, another major component to the arcadey formula of beat em’ ups is a large group of enemies usually made up of a mixture of grunts and bosses that the players must trample through in order to proceed. This aspect should also help to additionally parse the field in terms of what movies are applicable to this list as clearly not every film would truly fit with this concept which is why the action genre provides the best examples. While the world of video games typically allows for all the narrative freedom that developers could ask for, movie-licensed games require more boundaries so as not to stray too far from the film it’s based on and I feel this same idea would apply when given the beat em’ up treatment. In other words, the only movies that should mix into this world are ones that actually contain a decent number of enemies in them which can represent the antagonists of the game giving your hero characters a reason for all this brutality.
So the bottom line is, while there are concessions that can be taken to tie a movie into a video game, some films are clearly more translatable than others especially when you confine it into one particular genre (beat em’ ups in this case). Because of its hypothetical nature, the ultimate goal for this list is to determine the 10 movies that are the MOST translatable to the world of arcade-style brawlers in The ‘Tude Dude’s opinion and not necessarily the best because… well… they don’t exist. It should also be noted that while many of these movie choices will be ones that have absolutely no video game adaptations whatsoever, some of the films that are chosen may have one (or more) already however as long as they aren’t considered beat em’ ups then they will still be eligible. Furthermore, if a choice on this list contains the adage (any individual movie or the entire series) then that means that the movie’s premise fits the game across the spectrum of the entire series that its being compared to and therefore could be based off of any individual film in the group or the entire span of movies as a whole and either way it wouldn’t effect how I view its translatability. Besides that, factoring in which films would have the most drawing power as an arcade game will also be a consideration in the final equation as the built-in popularity of the movie would be a huge start to getting quarters pumped into it regardless of the game’s quality which would increase its marketability and make it more likely to be produced in higher quantities across the world. So follow me, The ‘Tude Dude, as we comb through some of Hollywood’s greatest action films to determine which ones would have (and possibly still could be) integrated perfectly into the simple but effective world of arcade beat em’ ups 
.
The following is a list of The ‘Tude Dude’s 10 best examples of movies that desperately need an arcade beat em’ up adaptation.
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and Roger Murtaugh 
after the unlikely duo is paired together following Riggs transfer due to his erratic and suicidal behavior. After some initial bumps in the road, the wild and reckless Riggs and the straight-laced Murtaugh develop a strong chemistry and combine their efforts to take down a mysterious criminal element in the first movie with sort-of similar plots in the sequels. It’s a simple premise executed to perfection with action and comedy elements befitting of the genre and an arcade adaptation would appear to make sense even if from just a business standpoint. I’m thinking something similar to the 2 player action of The Punisher 
but with even more gun-toting to better tie it with the movie maybe even incorporating a Rolling Thunder-type 
side-scrolling cover system. The enemies would mainly consist of Shadow Company mercenaries and the like and you’ve definitely got the potential for some pretty sweet boss fights between dudes like Gary Busey’s “Mr. Joshua” 
from the first movie or Jet Li’s “Wah Sing Ku” 
from the fourth. Plus, the in-game speech and cut-scene potential from the films makes this yet another i.p. concept with built-in assurances to success. 
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, Gamora 
, Drax “the Destroyer” 
, Rocket Raccoon 
and Groot 
) as they put their usually selfish differences aside to aid each other in a daring escape from captivity leading to their newfound friendship and ultimate involvement in a larger plot to destroy the universe. The success of Guardians was yet another large feather in Marvel’s movie-making hat as the developers brought to life not-as-well-known characters through excellent script writing and casting choices, catapulting these heroes into the stratosphere with the elites right out of the gate while at the same time making this one of the most special series in their lineup of films. That’s, of course, why then a beat em’ up adaptation makes sense as it involves multiple main protagonists, a ton of badass enemies and an insanely popular property which would be sure to draw the flock right out of the gate. I’m thinking something resembling the comic-book aesthetic of 1991’s Spider-Man: The Video Game 
but with high-res shine to help this blend with its beautiful movie counterpart better. It’s also open for interpretation but I kind of like the idea of a 4 player cabinet with Groot and Rocket sharing a character slot since I feel they work so much better as a pair then separately but would be fine with a 5 player as well. Regardless, the player options would be amazing and enough to entice a large group to play together similar to the X-Men arcade which is a pretty good recipe for quarter collecting. The enemies would certainly be lethal and interesting as well especially the projected boss encounters that you could have with Nebula 
, Yondu 
and Ronan the Accuser 
not to mention the excellent dialogue clips that could be harvested from the film. Oh man, that soundtrack also could be pretty ridiculous though talk about having to do some serious copyright legwork however this whole thing is entirely hypothetical anyways so for the sake of argument… sure, why not it’s in there too! Would be an absolute blast to slay through a bunch of goons with your buddies while jamming out to the pina colada song (“Escape” by Rupert Holmes)! 
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and Will Turner 
as the main characters with elements from other weapon-based brawlers such as Knights of the Round 
and The King of Dragons 
for the gameplay. The main glut of the enemies could be a mixture of royal navy and cursed pirates and there’s no doubt that the boss battles would be pretty sweet as well including the likes of the Kraken 
, Captain Barbosa 
and Davy Jones 
just to name a few. Plus, it would be pretty funny to hear Jack squabble random lines in his perfectly odd cadence while fending off legions of intimidating adversaries with the help of the much more proficient Will Turner. *hmph* Now where’s my rum so I can quickly forget this incredible idea! 
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and Smash TV 
. Players could take control of either agent (J 
or K 
) with some distinctions between them possibly weapons or something like that. From there the game could write itself as there’s a ton of interesting alien concepts from the movies that they could use as enemies/bosses and creators could have as much free reign as they want to develop more in order to fill the game’s stages. Weapons could be really fun as well as you could include the ones we know from the movie (like the Series 4 De-Atomizer 
and the hilarious Noisy Cricket 
) with new ideas to further expand the Men In Black franchise. Plus like many of the other choices on this list, there’s a treasure trove of funny one-liners that would be absolutely perfect for the game at random intervals which would add to the already robust collection of soundbites heard at the video arcade.
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and Gabriel Cash 
are framed for murder by some of L.A.’s criminal masterminds in an attempt to remove the 2 top cops from service and open the floodgates for their syndicate which has been routinely stymied by both. Jokes on them though as the 2 resourceful officers put their philosophical differences aside to work together, escape prison and send the criminal organization to a frustrating end all while humorously bantering with each other like a married couple to the audience’s delight. I could see a game based on this cool movie being something like a NARC 
meets Streets of Rage 
mash-up with a focus on action and comedy similar to the film (the soundbites of these 2 would be legendary). It would also be interesting to see the differences between the title characters as you could go a few different directions such as Tango having more health because he works out routinely or Cash having a more powerful gun with the laser-sight for example. You could even get Cash’s gadget-making buddy Owen 
to supply new items and drop a few appropriate lines from the movie in his ridiculously unique helium-voice – “You guys aren’t holding out on me are you?” Not to mention, you could have a mega-rad vehicle stage starring the “R.V. from Hell” 
where you blast monster trucks and heavy equipment loaders with your turret all while navigating the maze-like junkyard exterior of the organizations final holdout. Yep, this one’s as good a choice as there is and yet another game that I would happily donate my entire allowance too (…even now)! 
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!!! If your an action movie fan then chances are good you’ve heard of “the muscles from Brussels” a.k.a. Jean-Claude Van Damme and his rad lineup of cheesy romps the most prominent of which released during the 
!!! What kind of magic is this? The film is your basic run-of-the-mill revenge story involving long lost twins reuniting under the banner of finding their parents killers but who cares really… there’s 2 VAN DAMMES 
!!! As long as they’re jump-kicking countless goons and blowing up buildings then you can count me in for sure and both are supplied generously here which lends to the video game aspect. I’m imagining something like Double Dragon 
(of course) but with more emphasis on the 2-player component either in the sense of tandem attacks or increased power to reflect the combined strength of 2 VAN DAMMES 
(I can’t say 2 VAN DAMMES without yelling it… sorry 
). Plus, you’ve got the potential for some righteous enemies including an awesomely scarred Bolo Yeung boss fight 
which would probably rank as my favorite beat em’ up encounter EVER if this was a reality! Besides that, sprinkle in some random cut-scenes to tie the movie’s simple plot around the game and presto you’ve got a killer arcade brawler guaranteed to eat up the local youth’s quarters. 
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, Ray Stantz 
, Egon Spengler 
and the later-recruited Winston Zeddemore 
) as they use their unique high-tech gadgetry to help rid New York City of its impending ghost problem – exterminator style! It was such a success that merchandise from the film of any kind seemed to be made of gold back in the day however this was not the case with video games in terms of the movie-licensed releases as consoles were mostly plagued with mediocre examples containing confusing and uninspiring gameplay. That’s why a beat em’ up/run & gun-type game would make the most sense similar to 1987’s The Real Ghostbusters 
arcade game (which was based off of the cartoon and not the movie) but with more polish. I’m thinking something more akin to the 4-player graphical design of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 
combined with the top-down execution of Neo Geo’s Shock Troopers 
for the gameplay (utilizing proton packs and ghost traps instead of guns) with tons of funny exposition and dialogue from the film(s) peppered in for good measure . The enemy and boss designs could get really creative as well combining characters that we know (such as Slimer 
and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man 
) with awesome new ghost ideas to help further the adversary count to expand into the video game realm. Who wouldn’t want to play this with their buddies if they saw it at the arcade? Not to mention, the cabinet design could look all sorts of out there with ambulance sirens, oozing slime and the famous say-no-to-ghosts logo pasted all over it drawing attention instantly as soon as it was spotted by anyone within visual range. That does it. It’s time to actually pick up the phone and call the Ghostbusters and make this happen! (5 seconds later…) Annnd I’m disappointed.
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.” Man I would absolutely lose it if I ever saw this iconic fantasy/martial arts action movie turned into an arcade beat em’ up. Big Trouble In Little China follows the exploits of truck driver Jack Burton 
as he aids his friend, Wang Chi 
, in the retrieval of his fiancee who had been kidnapped by the evil sorcerer Lo Pan 
who rules the underbelly of San Francisco’s Chinatown. Along the way, Jack and Wang are more than shocked to discover the depths of Lo Pan’s kingdom containing the likes of monsters, magic-users and karate goons all fiercely loyal to their leader. As if that ridiculously cool concept wasn’t enough, the film is an absolute riot of funny quips as Jack hilariously assesses his situation with the kind of stubborn precision that every American can relate to when surrounded by foreign stuff beyond our realm of understanding (“I’m a reasonable guy. But I’ve just experienced some very unreasonable things 
.”) This wonderful balance of comedy and action makes this one of my personal favorite films of all time and provides a unique backdrop in the world of beat em’ ups. I see a sort of Final Fight 
/Cadillacs and Dinosaurs 
hybrid here with a mixture of melee and shooting though the guns would mostly just be found randomly and not last very long. Clearly, this should be a 2 player cabinet with users taking control of Jack and/or Wang as they battle their way through Lo Pan’s minions en route to the final encounter with the “man” himself. This idea is interesting because each character could provide a completely different approach. For example, Jack would be slower and more sluggish but would do slightly more damage than Wang with his knife while also enriching the experience with his more-memorable quotes from the film (ensuring a fan-favorite status for him despite some proclivities) while Wang would provide the speed, precision and attack quality, making him the smoother and more accessible option of the 2 (while also bringing some funny lines from the movie himself). Meanwhile, the enemies and boss encounters could vary from the expected to the fantastical as players start off battling through legions of Lords of Death street thugs and Wing Kong fighters on their way to unknown monster-like creatures and the 3 storms (Rain 
, Thunder 
and Lightning 
) before a date with “The godfather of Little China” himself, Mr. David Lo Pan in the final showdown. Not to mention, you could have 6-demon bags as a power-up with Jack proclaiming “I feel kind of invincible 
” with his spot-on delivery when he obtains one which just sounds too good of an idea to not include in the game. Oh well, as long as I can still go back and veg out on the movie then I’ll be happy but there’s no doubt that the world of arcades missed out on a golden opportunity with this one however its influence can be undeniably felt in one of the greatest fighting game series of all time – Mortal Kombat 
. 
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meets Dungeons & Dragons: Tower of Doom 
motif would serve this great series perfectly in the virtual realm. While the hero count is high in the films, the game would follow the exploits of the 3 main warrior-type characters – Aragorn 
, Legolas 
and Gimli 
as they do their part to aid in the efforts of destroying the ring of power. All 3 characters would be governed with the unique attributes that you would expect i.e. Aragorn has average speed and strength, Legolas is fast but weak and Gimli is slow but stout all while wielding their proper weapons and armor. It also seems like incorporating some kind of Gandalf 
screen-clearing super move would be par for the course as well. In addition to this, the enemies and bosses could push the envelope for awesome no matter if this was based on one specific movie or the entire series and the beautiful backgrounds from the films would inspire designers to display the graphics with the upmost diligence which is yet further reason for this idea to exist. Who wouldn’t want to have an intense side-scrolling boss battle with Saruman 
amidst an impressive backdrop of Ents descending upon the tower of Isengard 
? I know I would and I’m sure many of you would as well! Plus, every arcade would be instantly cooler with the flaming eye of Sauron 
saying “I see you” in it during the demo of this joining the cackles of “Finish him” and “Tiger uppercut” among the menagerie of exclusive background fodder only heard around a group of gaming rigs. *Sigh* 
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) but imaging if they pushed the envelope even further and incorporated an 8 player design to better stand out from the crowd possibly with multiple screens or something like that! This would allow for a radical roster of playable heroes from the films including the 4 from the original Captain America and the Avengers 1991 beat em’ up 
(which is not based on a movie fyi) – Captian America 
, Iron Man 
, Vision 
and Hawkeye 
plus Scarlet Witch 
, Thor 
, Black Widow 
and The Incredible Hulk 
marking this as the ultimate brawler experience that could be had in the arcade… in theory. It really wouldn’t matter also if you were basing the story off of one particular movie or spanning the entire series though it might effect what characters would be applicable to the game as some weren’t around yet (Vision and Scarlet Witch are not in the first Avengers movie for instance). Regardless, there’s absolutely no denying the sheer drawing power of Marvel and their properties so no matter what route was chosen, arcade owners could rest easy in the knowledge that the game would be successful and profitable increasing further the likelihood of its initial existence and probably sustainability. In fact, screw the lack of arcades today! I think this would be worth making now and could even help to reinvigorate the old brick-and-mortar game zones back from the dead with its awesomely unique design as long as the quality was top-notch of course. You’ve already got a pretty solid blueprint with the X-Men arcade game after all, just upgrade on that formula a bit and your all set. Now place this next to #9 on this list (my proposed Guardians of the Galaxy arcade), the X-Men arcade, The Punisher and Spider-Man: The Video Game to create the ultimate quarter-consuming singularity in the universe – The Marvel arcade beat em’ up Infinity Guantlet!
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Willow, Bad Boys, Star Wars, Charlies Angels, Double Team, G.I. Joe, Showdown In Little Tokyo, Wanted, The Matrix, Young Guns, The A Team, Red, Saving Private Ryan, The Karate Kid, Transformers, Starsky & Hutch, Predator, 48 Hrs., Training Day, Sucker Punch, Renegades, The Fast & The Furious, Pulp Fiction, Unforgiven, Toy Story, The Rock, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, Men At Work, Ant-Man And The Wasp, 21 Jump Street, Shanghai Noon, Watchmen, The Goonies, Red Heat, The Last Boy Scout, Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid, The Outsiders, Honey I Shrunk The Kids, Rush Hour, Smokin’ Aces, Harley Davidson And The Marlboro Man, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Incredibles, The Other Guys, The Boondock Saints, The Magnificent Seven, Wild Wild West, S.W.A.T., 300, Avatar, Money Train and the awful movie but no doubt would be a great arcade game, Suicide Squad |
.Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by 
Posted on July 15, 2019
Vs. Battle – Mortal Kombat
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
by
&
 (Sega Genesis) |
 (SNES) |
| Genre |  (Fighting) |
| Players |  (Single/Multiplayer) |
Tale Of The Tapes
Mortal Kombat is a 1 on 1 fighting game where the goal is to simply out-duel whoever stands in your way by utilizing your characters arsenal of punches, kicks and special attacks. While this convention had been duplicated with great fruition many times before (especially in the arcades), Mortal Kombat stood out by incorporating the perfect ingredient to this already successful formula- BLOOD! Now players could revel in their opponents failures by slopping loads of crimson plasma all over the screen after wailing them with a landed blow and even better… could perform a killing “fatality” maneuver on their defeated enemy at the end of the fight for extra unnecessary emphasis. FINISH HIM!!!
After reaching a nearly unrivaled pinnacle of popularity in the arcades, it was no surprise to see this murder-fest make its way to home consoles though there were inhibitions due to the uproar of angry and protective parents at the time. Some versions required special codes to unlock the gory blood to keep kids from accessing it too easily while other’s omitted it altogether greatly altering the game’s spirit from its arcade counterpart. Enter the SNES and Sega Genesis versions of the game- 2 entirely different perspectives of an insanely charismatic arcade-style fighter which drew the dividing lines in the fascinating 16-bit wars straight down the middle. Will Nintendo’s usual polish of superior aesthetic quality give their edition the advantage or will Sega’s edgy demeanor provide the perfect home for Liu Kang and co.? Prepare yourself!
The Battle
While the gameplay is essentially the same in both versions, there’s absolutely no denying the difference in presentation between these 2 with blood being showcased in the Genesis edition (accessible through entering a code) and censored in the SNES edition (blood changed to “sweat” and many fatalities are altered). Right or wrong, this single decision by Nintendo showed an unwillingness to budge from their rigid standards which soured the difficult-to-satisfy gaming community into looking for alternatives to get their Mortal Kombat fix right-off-the-bat. Sega capitalized on this by providing players with a much more arcade-authentic gameplay experience complete with spine-ripping fatalities and all the blood that you could ask for inside the comfort of your own home which made their version the much more coveted one for the time. Regardless of its lack of direct effect on the fighting mechanics overall, the absence of blood gave gamers pause to question the developers knowledge of the source material (or lack thereof) which severely crippled the optics of Nintendo advertisers who just couldn’t compete with the much more true-to-form Genesis version. Controller-wise, I actually prefer the SNES with its 4 face buttons aligned beautifully with the punches and kicks and the shoulder buttons for blocking (marginally better than the Genesis 6-button controller but WAY better than the 3-button controller) but there’s no way they’re winning this round when they don’t even know how to draw blood in the first place!
Round 1 Analysis
| Gameplay | |
| Controls | |
Round 1 winner
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Things certainly get interesting in round 2 as the SNES version shines with its usual standing in the graphics and music category. Visually, the Super Nintendo wins easily with sharper looking sprites and backgrounds as well as more animations which makes the characters move with much more fluidity while the Genesis version looks noticeably grainier and less life-like. Musically, both versions sound great and opinions could go either way as both represent well with the Super Nintendo edition sounding crisp and refined and the Genesis edition sounding throaty and deep so it’s a tie for me here. The final Johnny Cage crotch punch that ends this round however is the sound effects where the Super Nintendo stands tall over the vastly inferior Genesis. The characters grunts and yells sound much closer to the arcade but even more discerning is the “FINISH HIM” announcer who you hear with much more regularity on the SNES (like when you choose your character for example) than you do on the Genesis giving them the win in round 2 and setting up for a dramatic final round between these 2 16-bit titans.
Round 2 Analysis
| Music/Sound | |
| Graphics | |
Round 2 winner
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While it’s been a serviceable fight up to this point, the Genesis version obtains the flawless victory in the final round by simple virtue of authenticity to its roots which not only gives it a better ‘tude reading for being the “cooler” edition but also the edge against a counterpart with superior graphical and sound quality. It’s interesting that the SNES edition would win in a landslide if it had simply conformed to gamers wants however this example of censored development helped to showcase the growing trend of ‘tude within the cultural landscape and how important it was to the freedom of video games as a whole. I mean, why should Mortal Kombat be censored anyways? Parents would have had a hard enough time keeping their kids from seeing it around the food court of their local mall or hearing about it from fellow classmates at school anyways not to mention the more critical point… IT’S STILL A FIGHTING GAME INVOLVING FINISHING MOVES THAT TURN PEOPLE INTO SKELETONS SO EVEN WITHOUT THE BLOOD THE EXACT SAME IMPLICATION OF DEATH REMAINS YOU IGNOR&*% #&!@^ ($%! (*wipes brow*…takes a moment to compose himself)! Simply put, we as gamers had been compromising quality in home versions of arcade counterparts for years but this stung even worse as Mortal Kombat’s ridiculous nature felt like a breath of fresh air in a too-uptight world which could not (or at least would not) translate to the soccer-mom loving SNES yet paired perfectly with the hardcore Genesis, laying out beautifully the character traits of both consoles during the peak of the 16-bit wars.
Final Round Analysis
| ‘Tude/Console-Specific Options/Personal Slant | |
Final round winner
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Overall winner
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It’s an interesting comparison too because the Super Nintendo version outshines the Genesis one in most of the categories that matter (graphics, sound effects, controls, etc.) however the lack of the essential element that breathes life (…or death) into the series alters too much of itself to be as recognizable and faithful as the Genesis edition. It would be like Street Fighter II not having special moves on the SNES while being fully present on the Genesis (…yuck). It’s a compromise no one wanted to make! Luckily, Nintendo moved quickly to repair their totalitarian image by incorporating just as much blood as the Genesis for future releases in the Mortal Kombat series showcasing the importance of balancing fan-service with quality control while at the same time ingratiating themselves to a soured gaming community. |
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on June 16, 2019
My Favorite NHL Team – The Los Angeles Kings
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
My Favorite
NHL Team
A Frozen Oasis In The California Sun
“ALL HAIL THE L.A. KINGS 
.” Ice hockey is freaking insane and I love it 
! I mean, you’ve got dudes flying around on skates at high speeds plowing into each other 
repeatedly while also smacking a hard rubber disc like a bullet at each other’s faces 
all for the sake of glory and bragging rights. Injuries are frequent and losing teeth is almost expected so quite frankly, it requires a bit of insanity to even lace em’ up which garners high accolades from yours truly 
no matter what team or player(s) you root for. That being said, the respect level that I have now for my hometown Los Angeles Kings 
is as high as any of my other favorite teams thanks to a long-stemming tenure of mediocrity 
which tested my resolve throughout the years but paid off in spades with their ascension into the NHL’s championship tier with 2 Stanley Cups won in the 2010’s 
.
Going back to my childhood, ice hockey was the least translatable of the 4 major sports (baseball, football and basketball being the other 3) for me as it was the only game that I hadn’t ever played personally which made learning its nuances and intricacies a little tougher than the others. Despite this, the high speed slapshot scoring action combined with the relentlessly aggressive nature of being able to impact your opponent with your entire body (similar to football) made the game at least entertaining right off the bat regardless of my lack of in-depth knowledge. I may not have totally understood what a “power play” was or why they called “icing” and stopped everything like every other minute but the absolute destruction derby-like chaos that unfolded in front of my eyes once play started was enough to get me hooked instantly into deciphering all I could about this contest from the north. Luckily (for me and many other out-of-touch Californians during the ‘tude era) the sport’s biggest superstar, Wayne Gretzky 
, was traded to our local squad, the L.A. Kings which sparked an eruption in popularity for those of us in the “sun belt” and helped to raise the overall awareness of hockey and the NHL as a whole. Plus, their kick-ass black and white color scheme combined with a “new kid in town” motif screamed cool to The ‘Tude Dude right away which galvanized further my love as a new but devote fan.
Despite the lack of a robust history that compared to other franchises in the city or the sport, those early years of contention were enough to at least plaster the upstart Kings onto the NHL map and present the championship gluttonous L.A. fanbase with a true underdog to pull for in a sport that we were still figuring out. Joining forces with other memorable stars such as “Lucky” Luc Robitaille 
, Jari Kurri 
and Rob Blake 
, Wayne “The Great One” Gretzky and the rest of the Kings formed a solid unit who played hard and competed at a top-tier level while also entertaining the crowd in true Hollywood fashion. The peak during this run occurred during the 1992-93 season (coinciding with the first year I payed attention to) which saw Los Angeles make a push to the furthest point that the franchise had ever been to- the Stanley Cup final against the vaunted Montreal Canadiens 
who were almost an exact opposite team in terms of history and relevance to the sport. While the end result didn’t go our way (Montreal won the series 4-1), the plucky Kings franchise learned a lot that year from hockey’s greatest juggernaut and a new hunger was born to see our boys hoist the cup that the Canadiens were proudly celebrating with in our faces 
. Man, we have to got to get our hands on one of those!
Unfortunately enough, it wouldn’t be for quite a while until they were able to sate the famished feeling as the team struggled mightily through 2 decades of ineptitude following their first push to a Stanley Cup final. Gretzky and most of the other notable stars from the previous era were eventually traded away or let go in subsequent seasons which led to a natural recession in success and a lack of faith from the fanbase in the executives that ran the show. Playoff berths were scarce and success once they got there was even scarcer as in between their first Stanley Cup appearance clear into the 2010’s, the Kings only won 1 (…yes 1 
) playoff series which certainly tested the dedication and loyalty for those of us with an interest in an ice sport while living near the beach. Much like snow in L.A., the Kings seemed out of place among their contemporaries who all seemed to have more history and experience with the sport overall. Luckily for me, I was able to maintain my fanhood quite well during this time by playing hockey video games (most notably EA’s NHL series) and leading the badass virtual Kings to that elusive first championship quite often which always sparked my imagination about seeing it happen in real life. …Maybe someday?
This was definitely different for me also in the sense that all of my other favorite teams had experienced championship success at some point before which magnified the underdog status even further for the Kings yet my heart was already attached to these rebellious party crashers attempting to make their way in a world that perhaps they didn’t belong in. I recall guys like Jozef Stumpel 
, Ziggy Palffy 
and Mattias Norstrom 
doing their best to bring the cup home to Tinseltown during this time yet legitimate contention seemed as farfetched a thought as frozen temperatures did in southern California with no true light at the end of the tunnel to give fans hope for anything more than a first round playoff exit for a cruelly sustained period. While this era indeed sucked for L.A. fans, the hunger to climb to the NHL’s mountaintop kept me and the rest of the loyal fanbase fixated to the sport as we watched other deep-rooted hockey mainstays like the Detroit Red Wings 
win a ton during this time and give us an example of the kind of team that was needed to win multiple championships in a league as tough as this. It would take excellent leadership like the way Steve Yzerman 
supplied, stellar defensive prowess like that shown from the great Nicklas Lidstrom 
and a steady hand in net to stopgap the opposing team’s offense with authority just like Chris Osgood 
provided between the pipes. Watching these (and many other) stalwarts of the game during this time provided yet more comprehension to the overall scope of ice hockey as a whole and increased even further the desire I had to see my favorite team join the pantheon of greatness by winning their first Stanley Cup.
After many years of repugnant play and disappointing non-playoff finishes to long regular seasons, things started to turn a corner in the late 2000’s-early 2010’s as the team reverted its look back to more closely resemble the original black and white design 
from the Wayne Gretzky era which seemed to both shed the mediocre stigma that tainted the team during the purple shield and crown jersey days as well as give a new hope for a brighter future to those of us who were still hanging on that they could eventually cross the NHL’s respect threshold. Regardless of their intentions, these jerseys instantly got me excited for the prospects of a new outlook and direction for my team and they currently rank as my favorite of all time for any sport so thank you for that 
! On top of the awesome new flag logo and retro color scheme, newcomers to the roster such as Anze Kopitar 
, Drew Doughty 
and Jonathan Quick 
instantly gave fans a renewed enthusiasm which paired beautifully with the design change and helped to create a wave of momentum not felt since the early 90’s which resulted in the team breaking a near decade long playoff drought (…finally) in the 2009-2010 season though another first round exit that year (to the extremely talented Vancouver Canucks 
) felt all too familiar and once again left us wanting more. Even though the first season back into the playoff fold ultimately ended in disappointment, one thing was for sure if nothing else, this squad seemed like it was built to compete for the long haul which certainly gave me a refreshed outlook after so many years of misery.
The following year ended the same with another first round defeat (this time to the division rival San Jose Sharks 
) however back-to-back seasons strung together with playoff berths felt a rewarding enough step in the right direction considering the desolate past that haunted the franchise. There was no denying the seeds that were obviously being sown for a great and competitive team looking to break the playoff series win drought, but to predict the Kings ascension to Stanley Cup glory the next season would be a near-impossible task for even the most clairvoyant. After a somewhat tumultuous year that saw the team make a coaching change due to a less-than-stellar start to the season (here we go Darryl Sutter 
), L.A. finished strong and squeaked into the 2011-2012 playoffs as the lowly #8 seed in the Western Conference where they would face the President’s Trophy winning Vancouver Canucks who didn’t inspire much confidence in our side for much success having beaten us out of the postseason two years prior in a similar situation. What followed next however will live in the mind and heart of The ‘Tude Dude forever and helped to cement the feelings of loyalty paying off as my excitement for the NHL playoffs grew to exponential proportions.
Somehow, the usually bereft L.A. Kings upset the top-seeded Canucks 4-1 to win their first playoff series since the 2000-2001 season and finally got the monkey off of the back of this starving franchise looking to compete with the rest of this proud league. Even though it was more than satisfying just to be in the second round again, these Kings operated with a “we want more” attitude that certainly agreed with the famished L.A. fans yet seemed unlikely given the blatant lack of success experienced over the course of the franchises tenure. Continuing a strong wave of momentum picked up after the first round series win, Los Angeles left little to chance by sweeping the #2 seeded St. Louis Blues 
in surprising fashion and furthered their pursuit of that slippery first championship by dominating the opposition with excellent goaltending combined with impressive 2-way play displayed by virtually everyone on their roster. I was in absolute amazement as my out-of-nowhere Kings advanced to their first Western Conference Final since the ’93 season in doing so being the first #8 seed to defeat the top 2 ranked teams in the conference to get there. What an already memorable achievement and certainly one that could keep the used-to-losing Kings fans happy enough after enduring a lifetime of mediocrity however winning championships requires a certain level of insatiability that was being showcased by this great team at the time so why not make it through all the way if you can.
In the next series, Los Angeles would have to face the #3 seeded Phoenix Coyotes 
and the seemingly insurmountable task of defeating the top 3 teams in a conference to make a run into the final round (only accomplished once before in NHL history) but if any squad had shown the grit and determination to achieve a rare feat such as this, it was these blue collar Kings who defied the odds already and looked to be like a steaming locomotive that wasn’t going to stop. Without much resistance, L.A. continued its amazing and improbable push through the Stanley Cup Playoffs by conquering the Coyotes 4-1 and blasting their way to only the franchises second appearance in a championship series which had any and all Kings fans abuzz for the possibilities of actually making it over the hump and bringing the cup home to Los Angeles for the very first time. In the final round, the Kings faced off against the New Jersey Devils 
who rightfully so, put up the biggest fight against L.A.’s aggressive chase for their first Stanley Cup by being the first team in these playoffs to last past 5 games in a series against these forceful boys in black. …However they lasted only 6 and with that my favorite team, the Los Angeles Kings had capped off one of the most memorable runs in NHL postseason history by coming completely out of nowhere to make all of the fans Stanley Cup dreams come true… YES 
!!! Holy crap we actually did it and the way it wrapped up couldn’t have possibly felt more right for this ‘tudey never-say-die franchise who refused to give up along the way. Now we can finally join the prestigious club of Stanley Cup champions and begin to etch our story into the stone slab of NHL history for the rest of the world to see!
Thoroughly fighting off complacency during an impressive 2 year run following the teams first ever Stanley Cup championship, Los Angeles continued to reach for the stars in year 2 which culminated in a deep playoff push that resulted in a Western Conference Finals appearance against another resurgent old franchise battling for supremacy, the Chicago Blackhawks 
who had won the cup 2 years before we won our first in 2010 and were looking to become the next great dynasty of the time. We fell to the eventual 2013 champions 4-1 in this series however we got sweet revenge in an epic Western Conference Finals rematch the following year by defeating the ‘Hawks in 7 games (thank you Alec Martinez 
) to advance to our second Stanley Cup Final in 3 years which still ranks as my personal favorite series that I have ever experienced. By going toe-to-toe with the biggest dog in the yard at the time… and winning, the Kings had finally reached the pinnacle of respect from the rest of the hockey world that they weren’t just a fluke and were here to stay for good while at the same time throwing a claim against Chicago for best team of the decade which was more than pride-filling for me and a happy reward for many years of loyal fan service. Thanks to the rivalry that developed with the Blackhawks which honed both squads into a refined maestro of efficiency, my excitement level for hockey had reached a new and uncharted peak during this time which still hasn’t gone away and probably won’t anytime soon.
In the 2013-2014 Stanley Cup Final, Los Angeles made short work of the New York Rangers 
(…thanks again Alec Martinez 
) dispatching them in 5 games en route to their second championship ever which catapulted the satisfaction for my cherished hockey squad up into the echelon of all of my other favorite teams which was an incredible moment that I’ll never forget personally for the rest of my life. After years of dreaming and using video games as an imagination booster for the possibilities of what seemed like a farfetched concept, the Kings had actually achieved what I always knew they could and in true ‘tude-filled fashion, did it there way every step. No matter what, their mark on history was now undeniable and the fraternity of multiple NHL championship franchises had no other choice but to welcome them with open arms as Los Angeles celebrated with its second Stanley Cup in 3 years 
which further separated the feelings that used to exist during their losing days. While the journey may have been tough, the destination turned out to be completely worth it even though I would have still been a fan regardless of whatever outcome they encountered however, to win in this fashion without question helped to increase even further the feelings of pride and happiness towards my team. Now we could finally be viewed of as a legitimate franchise to our peers instead of just an out-of-place weirdo trying to ice skate in a tropical climate.
While we have yet to taste from Lord Stanley’s chalice again having not won another championship since this incredible era, my pride remains fervent as I know that the Kings learned from the best about being insatiable for Stanley Cups the same way the greatest teams are which will keep them driving with full force forward. From the NHL’s forgotten basement 
up into the championship penthouse 
, the L.A. Kings have provided my fanhood with tons of great memories along the way that I know will continue well on into the future. Thank you for everything Los Angeles Kings, you will forever be my favorite NHL team.
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
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-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on June 1, 2019
A Retro Review – Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit!
Hit play above for in-game music from this title
Scroll below for review
presents a
by
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(SNES) |
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 (Action/Adventure) |
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 (Single-player) |
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 (Coolness not guaranteed) |
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 (Terrible game) |
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Utterly devoid of anything worthy of the word “improvement”, Power Tool Pursuit hammers its own thumb to oblivion with terrible gameplay centered around abstract platforming that makes the show seem like Shakespeare in comparison |
Story
After many years of faithful service as the accident-prone host of the t.v. series Tool Time, Tim “The Toolman” Taylor has been awarded with his very own line of power tools designed in his honor. Planning a grand reveal on a very special episode, Tim is shocked to find that the tools have been stolen before the show’s onset and placed randomly throughout the production set where filming occurs. Eschewing sanity and avoiding proper procedure (such as contacting the local authorities), The Toolman arms himself for aggressive retaliation with a sledgehammer, dynamite and other unnecessarily overpowered objects with the ultimate goal of retrieving his beloved tools as soon as possible.
Overview
Home Improvement is a side-scrolling action/platform game where you take control of Tim “The Toolman” Taylor and help guide him across 20 levels while utilizing a multitude of power tools to attack enemies and reach new areas. Encapsulating the stages are 4 different worlds populated with unique enemies and backgrounds that Tim must navigate through. While most games of this variety typically require you to simply reach the final goal of a level, Home Improvement takes a little different approach by tasking the player with the retrieval of 6 crates hidden in random locations that must be discovered within a time limit before proceeding.
Several standard platforming obstacles present themselves throughout gameplay (namely enemies who can damage the player, pitfalls, hard to reach ledges, etc.) however The Toolman is armed with a litany of useful power tools with which to help find the missing crates and defeat adversaries. Many of the tools become a requirement at times in the stages as certain parts of a level are only accessible after using an item in it such as breaking a wall down with the sledgehammer to reveal an alternate path or reaching new heights with the grappling hook. Successful completion of the first 4 levels of a world will bring Tim toe-to-toe with a boss battle that must be defeated before progressing further. Help guide The Toolman across all the different stages and defeat the 4 bosses to discover the location of the missing tools and complete the game!
Cast
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 Tim’s Kids (protagonist support) Tim’s “cornermen” more or less, his kids help him to brush off his latest accident allowing “The Toolman” to climb back on his power-mad saddle with a higher expediency |
 ??? (main antagonist) Though there are 4 standard bosses located at the end of each series of t.v. set stages, the main culprit responsible for setting Tim off on this ridiculous quest remains unknown unless somehow your able to survive to the bitter end |
Fake Men Need Not Apply (XL section)
Instruction manuals are without a doubt an important part of any acclimation process to a new product. Whether they’re showing you how to properly assemble a piece of furniture or teaching you how to program a new electronic device, text information can play a pivotal role in ensuring that the learning endeavor is completed correctly and efficiently. It makes perfect sense then that this premise found itself in the world of video games by providing players with a guide of sorts to pair with your new purchase, helping to ease the transition into figuring out “how to make the little guy jump” or whatever you needed to learn. On top of that, tons of cool story exposition, character biographies, artwork, etc. can typically be found within the confines of these little books which makes it even more rewarding to own these things beyond the need to reference them for academic purposes. With that in mind, Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit! has without question the sorriest excuse for an instruction manual in the history of mankind by providing players with a facade that looks the part on the outside 
but opens up to a single pitiful phrase covering up all the relevant stuff on the inside stating that “Real men don’t need instructions 
!” …Lame.
Obviously, this is a nod to the sitcom that the game is based on, Home Improvement, which sees the show’s main character (Tim “The Toolman” Taylor 
) reverting back to caveman tactics by never reading instructions and generally screwing up anything he tries to build or fix. While this works well enough within the structure of a mindless comedy show, foregoing tradition here only serves to piss off hardcore gamers (and feminists)! I mean… we might not need instructions but they sure can be nice sometimes 
. Not to mention, I would have no idea what kind of title this is (since the very concept of a game based on a pointless t.v. show like this makes absolutely no sense at all) meriting the necessity even further for a hearty and well-informed manual. Oh well, I guess if we’re gonna take control of Tim we’re gonna have to also take command of his neanderthal ways of learning and bump our heads as we go 
!
To start with, Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit! contains a plot that’s as thin as the instruction manual which would kind of make sense if this was supposed to be like an episode of the sitcom but it’s not so whatever. If you’ve seen the show (and chances are you have) then you’ll recognize right away the characters, setting, etc. however no prior knowledge of The Toolman and his antics is required to comprehend this “story”. Basically, Tim is being awarded with a line of power-tools with his name on it while filming his usual home-repair television show and it turns out that the tools have been stolen before he gets a chance to unveil them. A note from the thief is discovered at the scene suggesting that Tim check the surrounding t.v. studios for the missing tools and with that, The Toolman darts off to get them back by any means necessary (even if he has to fight 
). …Pretty dumb.
Now of course you might have been able to read about this in the *cough* instruction manual if you weren’t such a REAL MAN 
so the opening introduction in the game is your only exposition before this grand adventure (unless you do some internet research that is). Once the scene is finished, Tim is instantly thrust into a side-scrolling 16-bit platforming world without rhyme, reason or a true understanding of what he’s doing there other than to kick the asses of whoever stole his precious power tools. Your first instinct will be to look for an exit to the level your in while killing/avoiding the ridiculously out-of-place enemies that block your path however you’ll have better luck trying to hammer a nail with a forklift as this is not the proper way to progress at all. It turns out that standing still like an ape is the correct procedure (sort of) as an arrow appears after a few seconds of idling giving Tim a general direction to begin his fetch-quest for missing crates which is your key to completing the level. …Who knew 
???
Seriously though, while this concept could have been explained in greater detail (instead of what was provided) giving players a better grasp on the game’s initial intentions, a little trial-and-error will familiarize you rather quickly to the overall scope which is probably what they were going for anyways. Essentially, Power Tool Pursuit plays like a side-scrolling scavenger hunt with players utilizing an array of different tools to attack adversaries, clear obstacles and reach new areas all while discovering the location of 6 crates hidden throughout various parts of the stage within the allowed time-limit. There are 4 different t.v. studios that Tim must complete all with unique themes including Jungle, Egypt, Haunted House and Space (explains the crazy variety of baddies you’ll encounter such as dinosaurs, mutant plants, giant spitting scorpions, bed-sheet ghosts and more) which breaks down to a slight change-up of enemy/level/background design. Each studio is set up the same with 4 platforming stages followed by a unique boss battle who must be defeated before pressing on including a huge dragon, mummies …and Dracula. Geez, what the hell are they filming here anyways?
Of course aiding Tim along the way is his trustee collection of home improvement devices 
designed to crush all opposition in his path (or repair the sink… whatever)! Much like Batman’s array of unstoppable gadgetry, The Toolman comes equipped with all the requisite items needed for an insanely outside-the-box scenario such as this. For starters, the nail gun 
works great for attacking enemies from afar and accompanies The Toolman right off the bat as his main offensive option but other tools/weapons present themselves as item pickups throughout gameplay such as dynamite, a flamethrower, chainsaw and an arc welder type-thing that shoots lightning (…be still my heart) which are all pretty sweet. Additionally, Tim is armed with 3 more tools that he can unleash at anytime to help in his journey including a jackhammer to open up holes in weak floors, a grappling hook to reach higher platforms and a sledgehammer 
to smash down breakable walls. Also, 3 bonus items can be found randomly during play for increased aid such as the hard hat which grants invincibility for a stint, a clock which increases the time limit available and a “power up” icon which grants Tim invulnerability to certain attacks and a jumping increase. Now we’re playing with power… MORE POWER 
!!!
Other factors worth mentioning in Power Tool Pursuit include Tim’s “nuts & bolts” health system which works exactly the same as Sonic the Hedgehog’s “rings” though not as forgiving (do they really have to fly away and disappear so fast after getting damaged?), enemies who require WAY too many hits before they’re defeated (why is a cockroach so hard to kill with a flamethrower… WHY?) and the confusing level design which has you doing oddball crap 
like using the grappling hook to lower yourself to the platform below you instead of just pressing down and jump like you do in most other titles (not ashamed to admit that I was stuck for a long time at a spot like this). While none of these points alone would be enough to drastically change the difficulty level too much, the combination of the 3 push it into the stratosphere of ridiculousness and we haven’t even got to the controls yet (*spoiler*… THEY SUCK). Couple all that with a 3 lives-your-out system mixed with the unforgiving absence of being able to continue in the section that you died in (not to mention the blatant lack of a co-op mode with Al 
) and you have a recipe for some of the thinnest patience found on the SNES. It’s a shame too since a game involving chucking dynamite at dinosaurs seems right in my wheelhouse but when the execution is this rough, it leaves me no choice but to call it like I see it. The gameplay is complete garbage… moving on.
Now about those controls… they’re bad! A persistent slipperiness accompanies The Toolman throughout your journey which makes it increasingly harder than it already needs to be to reach that far off ledge. On top of that, the hit hit detection never feels quite right as the impact made on enemies with your tools feels strange and uninspiring compared to what you would expect from using items such as these. Not to mention, the grappling hook feels distinctively more awkward than it should and contributes further to the games poorness since it’s a vital component to progressing through the wonky levels that populate Power Tool Pursuit. While the controls overall are somewhat adaptable over time, too many factors come into play to work against you to like them during gametime resulting in yet more frustration… yay!
The music/sound category might be the worst one of all which is impressively bad (considering the surrounding mediocrity). The opening theme is okay (sound bar at top) and is quite literally the only music worth mentioning in the game while the effects are grainy, annoying and forgettable. Graphically, Home Improvement is an interesting blend of vibrant redundancy. The colors are lush and the sprites all look nice however there’s just not enough variety in the overall design from level-to-level which leads to eye boredom rather quickly. It’s okay though… real men don’t need aesthetics!
As far as ‘tude is concerned, Home Improvement splits down the middle with the “more power” persona of The Toolman and his awesome arsenal of uncommon weaponry (good) combined with the insanely dumb enemies and stupidly concocted plot (bad). I mean, blasting at a raptor with a lightning gun is nice but it happens too infrequently for the coolness factor to ever settle in long-term however it does happen so credit due I guess. Also, when did chainsaws start shooting projectiles? Would have loved to have seen Tim running through waves of bad guys sawing them in half like a crazed psychopath (“GIVE ME BACK MY TOOLS 
!!!”). Still, you’ll probably be too busy being frustrated by everything else that’s going on around you to truly appreciate pegging that mutant dragonfly with the wildly inaccurate nail gun which is a letdown since the ‘Tude Meter spikes with approval during these rarer incidents yet valleys back out again through the rest of the slog experienced as your bouncing around boring levels like a headless chicken.
So what’s the best way to describe Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit? …How about BROKEN! It’s an over-the-top difficult action/adventure/platforming affair that is relentless and unrewarding. It feels a little (and I mean very little) like Sonic the Hedgehog (health system and level design) mixed with Castlevania (ability to use different items and monster-type enemies) however even that would be garnering too much praise for this heap as it never achieves anything close to those 2 awesome franchises with a glaring void of polish, creativity and fun. It’s sad too because so much of me wants to like this game with its outside-the-box concept combined with funny ideas and premises from a show that I enjoyed from my childhood but the end result is a title that is devoid of anything worthwhile making you reach quickly for the power button on your Super Nintendo so that you can replace it with something better. Oh well, maybe they wanted it to feel defective as if Tim himself had made the game like one of his projects from the show 
.
Critical Analysis
1/5 |
1/5 |
1/5 |
4/5 |
|
|
!!!|
What can I say… Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit is as bad a game that you can find from this period and entirely worthy of my lowest achievable score displaying horrid qualities in too many of its aspects requiring (ironically enough)… improvement in just about every way. From the joke empty instruction manual to the crappy controls to the snore-fest gameplay to the kindergarten quality music and beyond, this game delivers the “dung” in truckloads and begs for your avoidance in all avenues besides meddling curiosity which is sure to be satisfied abruptly by even the staunchest of gaming prudes. Besides that, Power Tool Pursuit offers nothing in the way of novelty towards the television show its based on other than some blink-and-you’ll-miss-them scenes at the beginning of and in-between levels which further raises the question of its existence. Seriously though, who really was the target audience for this heap anyways cause I can’t imagine anybody from my generation forking over their hard-earned dough unless somehow they were tricked into doing it? If they did/do exist and are reading this now… how did you escape your captivity??? In all seriousness though don’t be like Tim, do yourself a favor and heed my personal warning label which fills in all the missing information you need from that barren instruction manual – AVOID THIS GAME AT ALL COSTS! You’ll literally have more fun improving your own home doing random chores than you will trying to guide The Toolman through this anxiety-inducing race against the clock with no rewards in sight (now that’s bad)! Moreover, if your looking for an unfair challenge that will push your patience to its limits than look no further as Home Improvement will have even the most enlightened of souls cursing the game and ditching it behind for greener pastures (unless your a hardcore masochist that is) with its brutal difficulty and poor design. Plus, how could you miss out on the obvious opportunity for some Smash T.V.-style co-op with Al Borland doubling-down on the nail gunning mayhem? Whatever… time to flush this turd down the proverbial toilet of inferiority FOREVER! |
“Poor Al… always getting left behind 
.”
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on April 7, 2019
Grand Theft Auto – A Retrospective Of The Video Game… Not The Crime
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
A Retrospective
Of The Video Game…
Not The Crime
5 Stars Here I Come
I LOVE Grand Theft Auto… and I’m not talking about stealing cars (har har 
). I mean, its pretty much got it all- awesome gameplay 
, memorable characters 
and of course plenty of ‘tude 
which has kept the series in my crosshairs since the beginning. Besides that, GTA’s revolutionary approach to accessible go anywhere-do anything gaming mechanics has made it a true bar-setter in the video game industry making it one of the most coveted new releases during the modern era. Everyone likes freedom after all! Even if it results in foregoing your current objective for the sake of raising your wanted level as high as it can get for a thrilling (and unproductive) police chase through the city streets. Now that’s a sandbox I don’t mind playing in!
To put Grand Theft Auto in its proper context, I have to go way back to my childhood long before it ever even existed. I can still remember having fun conversations with my friends about what would be the ultimate game. “Wouldn’t it be cool if you could go anywhere you wanted, make friends or enemies with whoever and choose to be a good guy or a villain in a setting that resembled real-life?” we asked ourselves after a round of playing the linear games that we were used to. “Yeah, and there was no time limit and you could make changes to the world however you wanted!” It was this yearning for imaginary freedom that served as a catalyst for not only myself but my entire generation as flocks of gen-xers grew up and began to shape the world to their desires.
Now to be fair, the sandbox genre (or open-world/free-roaming) had been around for some time long before GTA reared its ugly head. Titles such as Elite 
and Sid Meier’s Pirates 
(both released on PC in the 80’s) were games I remembered liking as a kid but were a little beyond my comprehension. Besides the steeper learning curve that they required (compared to the games that I was used to), they were also set in realms outside of modern reality which was cool but not exactly what I was desiring. Plus, I only recall having access to a computer at school or my dad’s work since we didn’t own one which severely limited my chances of diving into even more PC stuff on a regular basis. Regardless, I did play them some and was mesmerized by even the idea of the freedom that they offered which sort of fell in parallel with the fun thoughts that my friends and I had discussed before.
The earliest example of this style that I was able to really enjoy thoroughly was the first Zelda game 
which utilized a similar free-roaming formula to a rousing success, cementing my feelings of satisfaction towards exploration and progression at my own pace further than it had ever been before. Incorporating easy-to-pick-up controls with a rewarding adventure that encourages free-will discovery, The Legend of Zelda solidified the combination perfectly and set the mark for accessibility among the action/rpg genre. Only problem is, the environment is still not based in the gritty harshness of our modern reality which still left me wanting a little bit.
Meanwhile as the 90’s continued, ‘tude became as prevalent in the lexicon of American culture as it had ever been before as video games began to steer towards more realistic storylines and settings resembling the action movies of the era (… an excellent time indeed !!!). My introduction to GTA was on the school bus as a friend of mine had played it the night before. “Dude, you can drive around a city, blow people up, do missions if you want to and steal cars… it’s GREAT!!!” he joyfully ranted which immediately made me want to try it despite the brief synopsis. Further research revealed that it was a crime-simulation and you could rob banks and perform assassinations at your leisure in addition to causing all the wanton destruction of your hearts desire at a moments notice. “I need to find this game.”
Searching through my town like a mouse looking for cheese, I was stoked to find a copy of the very first Grand Theft Auto for the PS1 
at a local rental store and dive in full-bore. Right away, I was mesmerized by the feeling of absolute freedom that was provided by trotting about a realistic city with an intelligent interface. Not only was the world alive with tons of npc’s but they acted like normal people by walking down the sidewalk, obeying traffic laws, etc. which (of course) made it all the better to forego pacifism and bring the mayhem like a sugar-rushed adolescent to these poor virtual souls 
! I swear, there’s just something about rampaging in GTA that comes natural as plods of random computer controlled characters are put right in your path like lambs being lead to slaughter. Its as if your sole purpose for existence is to end theirs which is equal parts fun and distracting as mission progression is exchanged for self-corrupting criminal satisfaction (a recurring “problem” in the series).
Luckily, the game at least teaches a little about consequence as you discover that the same algorithm that governs the npc cycle also controls “the law” as police are dispatched to put an end to your debauchery. At this point, your choices are simple- get busted, get wasted or get away. Further insubordination by your character in any way will increase your “wanted level” which raises the attention that you’ll receive from the cops so the decision is yours as far as how far you want to take it which is awesome! This level of gaming liberation tickled my fancy right away and I had barely even touched the main objective yet. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”
Diving further into the game revealed incredible depth such as being able to drive a taxi and pick up fares for extra cash, stealing random cars and selling them for profit and of course performing various missions for the local underbelly which is your main agenda. It was like Zelda mixed with Goodfellas and I knew instantly that this was at the very least encroaching on the fringe of the ideas that my friends and I had discussed before though it still had some growing up to do. Right away, the main culprit of criticism was the graphics- they were hideous! The grainy sprites were barely discernible as real people and the top-down perspective made driving at fast speeds a chore since you could never see far enough in front of your car. Clearly, the i.p. was on the right track but some adjustments needed to be made.
Subsequent sequels (Grand Theft Auto Mission Pack #1: London 1969 
and Grand Theft Auto 2 
) expanded on the current top-down formula but many of the same problems persisted from before namely the fact that the 2-d viewpoint itself was “reality-breaking” and an instant pull-back from your gritty virtual surroundings. The obvious fix was for the series to go to 3-d but the idea seemed extreme at the time considering the sheer amount of processing power that would be required to run a living-breathing city in three dimensions. Fortuitously, a new console generation was beginning with the arrival of the PS2 which helped this endeavor and Grand Theft Auto III 
became a reality shortly after. Now you could score points, complete missions and cause unsolicited destruction in a gloriously 3-D world 
! “Getting warmer!”
A major turning point for the series, the jump in the dimensional department for Grand Theft Auto was not only necessary but smooth in execution as many other great contemporary game franchises had tried and failed to transition during this time (*Cough* Castlevania). Literally every single aspect of the gameplay had improved from the driving to the shooting to the recognizable characters who populated the city and brought everything to life. Now this was cool! The sprawling virtual metropolis was inundated with looming skyscrapers, stores, houses, etc. and dotted with somewhat intelligent npc’s who were WAY more interesting to interact with than before. Time for some REAL rampaging 
!
With the enhancement into the three dimensional fray a monumental success, Grand Theft Auto III marked itself as the tone-setter for the series and maintained a “killer app” status for sometime during its generation however developers stayed vigilant in the brainstorming department as they worked on improvements to the existing formula. The following expansion, Grand Theft Auto Vice City 
, introduced a new locale to players while also coating the car stealing crime fest in a radical acid wash of 80’s awesomeness 
! Not only was the new setting fun and appropriate but the inclusion of tons of known Hollywood talent to the in-game dialogue (such as Burt Reynolds, Dennis Hopper, Tom Sizemore and Ray Liotta as main character Tommy Vercetti) further increased the legitimacy of the Grand Theft Auto series as something much more than just a murder simulator. This same idea was expanded to farther reaches in the following release, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas 
, which increased the map size to ridiculous proportions while draping the world in a super-cool 90’s gangster style which fit the crime-spree gameplay like a glove 
. Now you could customize your characters look, play a ton of fun minigames, swim in water (finally) and a whole lot more in addition to performing missions and freely causing all the useless carnage that you’ve come to expect from the series. “This just keeps getting better and better!”
As the series progressed, new offshoots were introduced to the mix to help placate the loyal fanbase until the next major release. Grand Theft Auto Advance 
, the first GTA title designed specifically for a handheld system, brought gaming criminality back to its top-down roots to somewhat mixed results. Whether or not it was necessary to have this free-roaming romp on a free-roaming system was irrelevant because… hey… we got it! This continued with PSP/PS2 releases Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories 
and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories 
both of which being more modern 3-d style GTA games. While these titles were worthy enough entries to the series overall, ultimately they felt like appetizers and the gaming community was starting to salivate for the main course as yet another console generation began to materialize.
With the arrival of the new PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 marking the next stage of gaming evolution, Grand Theft Auto IV 
came with it bringing the most alive and realistic characters/city to date. Combining incredible new visuals and physics with the already-fun recipe of freedom-based gameplay 
, GTA IV further catapulted the series to legendary status with a much more in-depth story than had been experienced previously. It was a little bit of a trade-off at first since many of the fun customizable options (such as changing the protagonists appearance, modifying your cars, etc.) from the last main entry (GTA San Andreas) had been removed but it turned out to be worth it as the dynamics of the new engine breathed even more life into the already very well constituted series by adding the most eye-popping graphics and feels to date. In addition to this, GTA IV also brought new innovations like being able to go into comedy clubs, computers with access to a fictional internet, actually having to break windows and hotwire cars to steal them, televisions complete with ridiculous shows and a whole lot more! Despite some initial criticism, the new improvements in the cosmetic and gameplay department yet again progressed the crime-simulator to new heights and Grand Theft Auto IV became the next standard-bearer for the ultimate sandbox title (at least for the time being).
As had become customary in the series, Grand Theft Auto came out with some expansions (and one more handheld title, Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars 
) in between main entry releases. In Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and the Damned 
, players get to take part in a motorcycle gang campaign which sort of hearkens back to the San Andreas days of appropriate environment for the game type. I mean, even though there has always been a huge variety of different things you can do in the world of GTA (some of them even healthy legal things like delivering pizza’s or taking in the sights of the surrounding landscape), going ape$&*# and disrupting the peace has always been the name of the game and it just feels more proper when your playing as a badass ‘tudey protagonist who fits the bill for this sort of thing (like a patched-member of a motorcycle club in this case) 
. Meanwhile, Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony 
brought even more to the GTA table by providing players with another excellent story centered around the glitzy nightclub lifestyle of Liberty City 
which (once again) fell in-line with the surrounding criminal chaos perfectly. Yet another round of successful “down-time” between giant releases as the momentum of Grand Theft Auto reached a new (and uncharted) pinnacle that continued to push the series closer and closer to the “ultimate game” that my friends and I had dreamed about as kids.
Just like Grand Theft Auto III, Grand Theft Auto IV and its expansions did an amazing job of pushing the franchise to awesome new levels of fun and satisfaction which kept the masses busy and mesmerized the whole time however rumors began to swirl of the next big entry into the series which instantly got my attention. Going for a slightly different approach from before, developers decided to continue to utilize existing hardware instead of waiting for the next system jump and Grand Theft Auto V 
was brought out towards the end of the PS3/Xbox 360 lifecycle and then later released for the newest generation consoles 
(PS4/Xbox One) with some graphical enhancements. Right away, the game promised an action movie campaign centered around 3 main characters, instead of just 1, that could be switched to on the fly which seemed like a super cool idea and it delivered in spades! Also, the move back to the San Andreas map was a welcome one for me since Grand Theft Auto’s fictional California setting is (so far) my favorite backdrop for this slayfest of a game. There’s mountains, beaches, city streets, desert towns, you name it, all fruitfully filled with awesomely dynamic and interactive npc’s just begging for your cannon to be loose enough to give them the destruction that they deserve 
! “Now we’re talking!”
A true gaming masterpiece, Grand Theft Auto V’s world is so amazingly alive and a marvel to behold that sometimes just avoiding its beauty can be a chore 
. Everything feels incredibly dramatic in scope as a literal full-fledged virtual city ebbs and flows with realistic precision. Even the nature around you feels close to real life as the sky blazes through a postcard-looking color spectrum of pure beauty above you and the ocean churns with an eerie unpredictability below. Best part is, both aren’t just for looking at as flying vehicles of all varieties make soaring through the air a breeze while boats allow for tons of free-roaming about the rough ocean waters. Even below the depths is accessible (wasn’t expecting that) with scuba gear and a submersible which allows for further exploration and treasure hunting possibilities. “Well there goes all my free time.”
In addition to the amazing environment that can be found in GTA V, tons of fun new minigames have been provided for players to pass the time during their stay such as golf, tennis, watching movies, hunting, etc. while also giving back many fan-requested customizing options such as buying clothes, tattoos, modding your cars and so on. The level of character manipulation jumps even further when playing online as gamers are able to create their very own GTA avatar and change their appearance to their liking while also buying cars, planes, houses, garages, etc. WOW! On top of that, players can join each other in a virtual hub city where all sorts of madness can take place upon multiple different criminal prospects striving for that brass ring of monetary success. There’s player vs. player deathmatches, intense co-op missions/heists, crazy races that have to be experienced to be believed, motorcycle gang opportunities and so much more! The amount of content that can be uncovered here will cover 100’s of hours of gameplay easy, catapulting the value tenfold as players continue launching the title long after they’ve already beaten the single-player campaign. Plus, with the new age of gaming allowing for regular comprehensive updates, expansions appear to be a thing of the past as GTA V’s online world can get tweaked and improved on the fly furthering the already grand title into the stratosphere of excellence! “Ultimate game perhaps?”
So that about covers the amazingly cool and envelope-pushing Grand Theft Auto series. From its humble top-down PS1 roots up to the current robust world of GTA V, The ‘Tude Dude has been there for it all and marks the series down as one of his favorites. Now that I’m older, I can see that the “ultimate game” could probably never exist since we as people never stop growing and yearning for more but I applaud the efforts of the incredible Grand Theft Auto franchise which seems to be closer to the ideas that we dreamed about as kids than any other game that I’ve come across. Clearly, my friends and I weren’t the only ones who had conversations like these as a new generation of game designers brought their ideas of imaginary freedom to the world which helped pave the road and set the tone for the modern sandbox genre. One thing I’ve learned, whether or not they ever achieve ultimate game status for one of their titles is irrelevant because I’ll always be excited to dive into the ‘tude-filled sandbox again and see how much closer they get with each new release. “Bring on GTA VI!”
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on February 17, 2019
Top 10 Favorite NFL Players Of All Time
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
Favorite
Players
Of All Time
Go Long!
“Are you ready for some football 
?!!!” Few things in the U.S.A. feel as innately popular as football. While baseball may have once been known as “America’s pastime”, the clash of helmets on the ole’ gridiron has replaced it in drawing power mainly due to an increased tempo that seems to better fit with the modern flow of entertainment. Just try to go anywhere in this country without someone talking pigskin whether it be a local high-school team, college or the pros… it’s everywhere so your much better off learning at least some of the ins and outs so that you can answer Hank Williams Jr. with an emphatic YES!
For starters, while there are many tiers of football with tons of fans dedicated to their teams no matter what level they’re playing at, the NFL (National Football League) is without question the top of the food chain in terms of leagues and is certainly where the best talents in the sport eventually end up. Every new season, the world’s greatest yard-grinding tough guys assemble for a marathon stretch of touchdowns and broken bones in order to reach the grandest stage perhaps in the history of all entertainment – The Super Bowl
. In this single epic contest that determines the champion for the year, legends are made both famous and infamous on both sides of the ball and the grand excitement of the spectacle at hand is sure to glue even a casual fan’s eyes to the screen until conclusion. Of course winning the “big game” is considered the ultimate zenith in a players career but just reaching this incredible event is a special enough experience in its own right and where the greatest stories in football lore are told. Even though there is history in the sport before the first ever Super Bowl (which took place in 1967 and marked the merger of the 2 largest leagues at the time – the NFL and AFL), most modern football enthusiasts use this point to begin chronicling and measuring the greatest achievements found in the NFL.
Another cool thing about professional football which helps entrench it into our countries cultural fabric is how perfectly the franchises represent their city or state which inspires incredible devotion from fans 
. No matter if you root for a big city juggernaut (like the New York Giants 
or San Francisco 49ers 
) or a small town feel-good team (like the Green Bay Packers 
or Buffalo Bills 
), fans of the NFL are never shy to fly their squad’s flag no matter the situation (… go COWBOYS 
!) which always makes for fun conversation no matter who you come across among this wild landscape of “Hail Mary” mayhem! I mean, just try not to go deaf from the raucous cackling of the “12th man” in Seattle 
or “Chiefs Kingdom” in Kansas City 
and you’ll get a semblance of the passion found in the sport. No doubt, football fans rule and they’re as much a star of the show as the players themselves with their funny signs 
and crazy outfits 
!
As far as the game itself goes, football is somewhat unique in that it requires so much more coordination and communication then other contests to achieve success marking it as “the ultimate team-sport”. The responsibility for team cohesion falls on every single player however no one carries the burden for this more than the head coach who has to strategize an efficient game plan for the upcoming opponent, direct his guys on their individual roles within that plan and then corral his players emotions like a schoolteacher simultaneously! It’s not dissimilar to playing chess as opposing coaches orchestrate a cat and mouse game of trying to outwit each other during competition for tactical advantage. Meanwhile, 11 players (on either side of the ball) have to comprehend, accept and execute their coach’s strategy all while working together in unison like a platoon in the military. It’s this level of across-the-board synchronization that I find truly staggering and what sets the game apart from its contemporaries.
Now for the players, there are many different positions and roles that can be filled on a team by a variety of athletes with different skill sets however in football it all starts and ends with the quarterback. Not only tasked with completing accurate throws to his teammates (which would be difficult enough in its own right), the quarterback also acts like an extension of the head coach as he delivers the current play call to his teammates in the huddle. Sometimes, he can change this decision to one of his own if he see’s fit to which is why it’s extremely important for quarterbacks to not only have a good arm for throwing (not to mention other athletic attributes) but a strong mental acumen as well while also helping to rally the team’s emotional vibe. It’s quite the task to undertake which is why the position is so revered in the landscape of sports however many have already shown that they’re more than up to the challenge. Dudes like Tom Brady 
, John Elway 
, Warren Moon 
, Joe Montana 
and Johnny Unitas 
have left an undeniable mark on the quarterback position (and the sport) showcasing all the tools necessary for one to reach the highest plateau in football.
Besides just the good ole’ shotgunners though, there are still several exciting role players all over the field who at any given moment can play a pivotal role for their squad. Running backs, for example, supply a change of pace to the offense by grinding the defense down with runs and taking pressure and aggro away from the quarterback which greatly increases his team’s chance of success. In many ways the engine that drives his whole squad, the running back’s importance simply cannot be understated as he combines speed, power and split-second decision making to achieve the simplest and most efficient route to advancing the ball forward. Not only that, they have to be tough as they’re pretty much in the middle of the dogpile on every play getting hit most times they have possession of the ball and even when they don’t since they can also be used to help block/decoy for their teammates. Once again, another scary task to associate yourself with however many greats like LaDainian Tomlinson 
, Walter Payton 
, Adrian Peterson 
, Jim Brown 
and Marshall Faulk 
have shown what it takes to persevere for the sake of their team’s agenda while sacrificing their own body in the process.
Meanwhile on the other side of the ball, defensive players are tasked with the unenviable job of using their bodies to stop these athletic ball-carriers by any means necessary. Since most traditional offenses utilize some combination of running and passing the ball to gain yards, most defenses are designed to stop either of these two things from happening with their player personnel and strategic formations. For instance, putting more defenders closer to the line of scrimmage will make it harder for the opposing team’s running back to find a hole to run through but may leave an opening in the passing game as their will be less defenders in the backfield to help with the wide receivers. While every role on this side of the ball carries an equal weight in terms of importance, some are more defined than others in terms of purpose (i.e. nose guards are mainly for stopping the run and cornerbacks are mainly for defending the pass) while others are more versatile (such as linebackers). Being a great defensive player in the NFL requires a ‘tudey approach as it’s every bit as much about mental acuity as it is physical prowess and guys like Michael Strahan 
, Dick Butkus 
, Reggie White 
, Ronnie Lott 
and J.J. Watt 
have shown the prerequisites needed to achieve legendary status as tackling tough-men worthy of the Hall of Fame.
Obviously it doesn’t just end there. Road-grading offensive linemen, track-star wide receivers and puny punters are just a small taste of some of the other player-types found in this full-contact smashfest. With so many different positions across 3 unique phases (offense, defense, special teams), football requires a very deep analysis to discover the best players in the game however luckily for me, I’m just trying to pinpoint who my favorites are which limits the debate to just myself 
! I’ll admit, this list feels slightly more daunting compared to others mainly because of the sheer amount of players that have made an impact on me but its a task that I am willing to take as I’ve been a fan of the NFL for most of my life and love the game as much as any other. So huddle up with The ‘Tude Dude as I categorize my favorite professional football players of all time and juke any potential mental obstacles out of their shoes on the way to the endzone 
!
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Position Key
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The following is a list of The ‘Tude Dude’s 10 favorite NFL players of all time.
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Arguably the most effective defensive leader in the history of the game, Ray Lewis was off-the-charts intense which both galvanized his teammates and intimidated his opponents as he anchored the vaunted Baltimore Raven defense during his entire career. A tackling dynamo, Lewis patrolled the middle of the field like Wyatt Earp and made sure to leave his mark on the offense both pre-snap and post with his power hits and ‘tudey mental approach which was always a blast to watch. A winner of 2 Super Bowls, Ray Lewis left it all on the field and commands respect as a true tough guy who played the game the right way. |
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which remains my happiest NFL memory to-date. Awesome player, awesome dude – Deion truly had it all and his marks left on the game will never be forgotten by me.|
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Tom Brady, Jason Witten, Randy Moss, Bruce Smith, John Lynch, Doug Flutie, Greg Lloyd, Larry Fitzgerald, Brett Favre, Joe Greene, Marshall Faulk, DeAndre Hopkins, Julius Peppers, Howie Long, Patrick Mahomes, Larry Allen, Gale Sayers, Aaron Rodgers, Ed Reed, John Randle, Eddie George, Micah Parsons, Tony Gonzalez, Warren Sapp, Joe Montana, Adrian Peterson, Kevin Greene, Bart Starr, Jeremy Shockey, Dan Marino, Junior Seau, Zach Martin, Richard Sherman, J.J. Watt, Steve Young, Julio Jones, Bill Romanowski, Deshaun Watson, Jim Brown, Troy Polamalu, Daryl Johnston, Shannon Sharpe, Antonio Brown, Kam Chancellor, Charles Haley, Derrick Brooks, Orlando Pace, Joe Namath, Darrell Green, Steve Smith Sr., John Elway, Brian Dawkins, Walter Payton, Rod Woodson, Chad Johnson, Roger Staubach, Jamal Anderson, Brian Urlacher, Herman Moore, Patrick Peterson, Mike Alstott, Tyron Smith, Johnny Unitas, Steve Atwater, Kordell Stewart, Derrick Thomas, Kurt Warner, Reggie White, Andre Rison, Deacon Jones, Earl Campbell, Randall Cunningham, A.J. Green, Cornelius Bennett, LaDainian Tomlinson, Rob Gronkowski, Dick Butkus, Drew Brees, Randy White, Jalen Ramsey, Tim Brown, Levon Kirkland, Antonio Gates, Sean Lee, Cris Carter, Bruce Matthews, Thurman Thomas, Joey Porter, Michael Vick, Ronnie Lott, Erick Dickerson, Leroy Butler, Nate Newton, Michael Strahan, Warren Moon, Dwight Freeney, Devin Hester, Zach Thomas, Charles Woodson, Eric Metcalf, Travis Frederick, Sammy Baugh, Jason Taylor, LeSean McCoy, Darren Sharper, Marvin Harrison, Khalil Mack, Edgerrin James, Terrell Suggs, Alvin Kamara, Hines Ward, Dan Fouts, Earl Thomas, Anthony Munoz, Jerome Bettis, Leighton Vander Esch, Kellen Winslow, Neil Smith, Philip Rivers, Mike Singletary, DeMarcus Lawrence, Tony Boselli, Calvin Johnson, Isaac Bruce, Jevon Kearse, Adam Thielen, Bo Jackson, Von Miller, Justin Tuck, Marshawn Lynch, Hardy Nickerson, Jared Allen, Donovan McNabb, Marcus Peters, Steve Hutchinson, Todd Gurley, Darrelle Revis, Steve McNair, Shaun Alexander, Champ Bailey, Arian Foster, Amari Cooper, Ty Law, Torry Holt, Bobby Wagner, Fran Tarkenton, Terrell Davis, Wes Welker, Haloti Ngata, Jeff George, Jack Youngblood, Dez Bryant, Luke Kuechly, Jim Kelly, Dante Hall, Travis Kelce, Jack Lambert, Lawyer Milloy, Jay Novacek, Josh Cribbs, Rich Gannon, Keenan Allen, Simeon Rice, Russell Wilson, Hugh Douglas, Julian Edelman, Marcus Allen, Aqib Talib, Ben Roethlisberger, Jaylon Smith, Richard Seymour, Priest Holmes, Clay Matthews, Phil Simms, Larry Brown, Lynn Swann, Joey Bosa, Jackie Slater, Don Meredith, Andre Reed, Osi Umenyiora, Matthew Stafford, Ray Buchanan, Chris Doleman, DeSean Jackson, Mark Stepnoski, Steve Largent, Aeneas Williams, Rodney Harrison and Tony “livin’ on a prayer” Romo |
.Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on January 29, 2019
A Retro Review – Two Crude Dudes
Hit play above for in-game music from this title
Scroll below for review
presents a
by
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(Sega Genesis) |
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 (Beat em’ up) |
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(Single/Multiplayer) |
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 (Coolness guaranteed) |
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 (Average game) |
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Despite a ‘tudey coat of polish that gives it much more character than it probably deserves, Two Crude Dudes overemphasizes the crude by adding little to the genre with poor controls and uninspired gameplay wrapped within a single-celled simplistic premise |
Story
In the incomprehensible future of 2010 (insert facepalm now), a nuclear explosion in New York City has decimated the entire metropolitan area leaving it in a pile of rubble. 20 years later, the cities already near-futile rebuilding efforts were interrupted by an organization of mullet-haired henchmen and mutant freaks armed with never before seen technology known as “Big Valley”. Retaliating in kind, the government decides to hire a couple of mercenaries known as Two Crude Dudes to go in and take care of everything (of course instead of sending in the military) promising to pay them both handsomely upon the removal of this destructive terrorist group.
Overview
Two Crude Dudes is a side-scrolling beat em’ up designed for 1 or 2 players where you take control of one of the titular heroes and continuously bash your way through Big Valley’s army of thugs until you reach their leader (the mad scientist). Attack options for the dudes include the obvious punching and kicking but you can also grab and throw many objects found throughout the world such as rocks, signs, cars and even your fellow crude brother (if playing multiplayer). Additionally, vendor machines can be found at different times throughout your journey and struck to release individual cans of soda which replenishes health and gives extra points.
There are 6 stages in total with each one consisting of groups of enemies assaulting the player(s) who must be defeated in order to progress from the beginning of the level to the end. Most of these adversaries are simple henchmen but there are also mini-bosses as well as a main boss that must be defeated once you reach the conclusion of the level that you’re currently on. The game’s difficulty can be adjusted to one of three options for adaptability purposes with harder settings increasing the amount of opponents that you’ll face at a given time. Melee your way through Big Valley’s motley crew of radioactive thugs and defeat the mad scientist in the last encounter to complete the game.
Cast
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 The Government (protagonist support) Perhaps the game’s true hero, this anonymous entity’s cold hard cash is the only thing that has the power to instigate Biff and Spike into action otherwise who knows where we’d be!? |
 Heavy Snake (antagonist support) An unasked for conjoining of Gene Simmons with Jake “the Snake” Roberts, Heavy Snake flops around in his platform shoes while whipping his serpent at you representing one of the more mediocre challenges overall from Big Valley’s repertoire |
 Master Reaper (antagonist support) With scythes for hands and an unmatched reach advantage, this oaf appears quite intimidating however his slow speed makes him more than easy to dispatch through stick-and-move tactics |
 Rhino Man (antagonist support) Big Valley’s master of the gore, this stubborn strong-man looks pretty gnarly and attacks with straight-forward horn charges but give him enough body slams and he’ll eventually regress back into his endangered hole |
 Tiny Leo (antagonist support) Originally one of the 3 Gill Boys, this extraordinary clone morphs into a werewolf-ZZ Top creature with a ferocious demeanor and no dignity towards his lack of clothing making his demise all-the-more urgent |
 Nail Spider (antagonist support) Arguably the pinnacle of hideousness in Big Valley’s mutant variety pack, this 4-armed spider-bodybuilder kills it as a juggler and offers a stiff enough challenge to be considered a top lieutenant in the Mad Scientist’s army |
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These Soda Machines Only Respond To Violence (XL section)
Man, what a story 
! I mean, what’s not to like about a post-apocalyptic wasteland (New York in this case) populated by weirdos who need to be taught a lesson through harsh aggression? Do we really need to know why the government sent in 2 “dudes” instead of strategizing a legitimate retaliatory effort with armed forces? … NAHHH! It’s probably better this way anyhow. Grab your sunglasses, knee pads and red hair-dye – this is Two Crude Dudes 
!
Seriously though, the tale of Two Crude Dudes is actually kind of cool and right up my sci-fi loving alley. New York City getting ravaged by nuclear explosions only to be left an irradiated wasteland 
… SIGN ME UP! Further perusing of the instruction manual uncovers more interesting tidbits like the Crude Dudes specific names (Biff and Spike… REALLY?) and also the revelation that the destruction may have been the cause of our very own government as opposed to a terrorist attack which adds a surprising layer of depth to the story. During this time, a mysterious scientist working in a skyscraper high above the city has conducted numerous experiments on several post-nuclear holocaust survivors and created an army that has taken over the broken metropolis which he calls “Big Valley” 
. Now the government could (and probably should) retaliate with the full brunt of their military but I’m guessing that not too many of them were jumping at the chance of risking a strange growth by traversing the radiation-filled streets on this mission so instead they sub-contracted it out to a pair of oafs who obviously feel right at home among the fallout… the Two Crude Dudes 
. Sounds good enough for me!
If the “Two” in the title wasn’t obvious enough, the game can be played either single or multiplayer so technically playing it by yourself should change the name to One Crude Dude but whatever. There are several options that can be changed before starting your adventure such as difficulty, the amount of lives/continues and your button layout. Additionally, a sound and music test is available for those that are so inclined. As you enter the game, you’ll take control of one of the Dudes (who perform exactly the same but look slightly different) on their epic quest to obtain sodas 
and cold hard cash 
for neutralizing the mutant threat that is halting the rebuilding effort of the mostly destroyed city.
Basically the goal (not unlike any other you can find in the genre) is to utilize whatever offensive options you can to defeat enemies and navigate the stages from beginning point to end. The levels are presented in more of a “flat 2-d” perspective (similar to something like Shinobi or Castlevania) rather than the typical pseudo 3-d isometric view that is more commonly found in these types of games. The attacks here include a stubby punch and kick as well as a grab which works to throw enemies and random objects. Weapons can also be obtained throughout the levels and they can either be used as a projectile (such as throwing a car or signpost) or picked up and swung (like the metal pipe). Additionally, jumping moves can be used not just for extra mobility (love that ground roll) but also to dispatch your foes including the always useful jump kick and an interesting “air grab” maneuver which grapples aerial enemies (among other things) and brings them down to the ground for body slamming satisfaction!
Meanwhile, Big Valley and its alliance of anarchist derelicts waste no time in coming at you with the full array of their arsenal as they flock the screen to try and take the Dudes down. The ranks of the mad scientist’s legion are divided into 3 categories – Grunts, mini-bosses and main bosses. Grunts make up the main portion of what you’ll be fighting and can usually be dispatched with very little effort such as Punks 
who run at you with no regard for their own welfare, Grease Monkeys 
who… slowly walk at you with no regard, Hunchbacks 
who annoyingly latch on to you and must be shaken off and Commanders 
who bounce around aimlessly while relentlessly puking all over the place just to name a few. Mini-bosses complete with their own health bar appear at times and provide a little tougher challenge like the Hand-Sniper 
who assaults you with his telescoping arm (and wicked colonial wig) and main bosses like the Rhino Man 
present the most difficult challenge at the end of each stage. Learning the patterns and tendencies of the adversaries is your key to success as you plug away towards the final encounter and the Dudes eventual payday.
As you enter the game, bad guys rush at you like your carrying the last Tickle Me Elmo on black Friday so don’t hesitate to show these Big Valley weirdos who the man is around here with your brute strength! While most of their attack patterns are relatively sparse, the enemy count is high and unrelenting so meet their challenge head-on with maximum crudeness (… or a refined strategy) for best results. Like most brawler games of this variety, punching and kicking is an effective way to bring the crude however when your a giant lumbering ape-man wearing a peace-jacket, body-slamming 
just feels too good to ignore! Even strategically, throwing feels advantageous as you basically turn an enemy into a projectile to be hurled at more baddies which has the potential to take out more than one at a time – “BOWLING BALL STYLE”. The same “grab” command can be used to lift up random weapons and unleashed on your foes such as throwing cars, signs and traffic lights which makes it an important part of your arsenal!
Besides weapons, sodas can be obtained from “Power Cola” machines found throughout the game 
which refills your health. Attacking the side of it drops a can of soda which you can then pick up and subsequent hits (of course) releases more cans but beware landing too many blows on it before you’ve stopped to drink some as the machine will explode after awhile taking any cans on the ground with it to disintegration. At the end of each level, a “bonus stage” of sorts presents itself in the form of either 1 or both players bashing an additional Power Cola machine for even more health however this one will give a 1-up to whichever player can deliver the final explosion-causing hit on it adding a semblance of strategy to the affair as you balance between drinking sodas to heal and landing as many attacks as possible to ensure its destruction.
As far as the gameplay is concerned, Two Crude Dudes has good intentions to be a fun and different beat em’ up but it definitely feels lacking compared to other brawler counterparts. The absence of any kind of combo system (for instance) creates redundancy problems rather quickly in a genre that already suffers from it. Couple that with the one-note attack patterns of the adversaries and you’ve got a recipe for quick boredom. Even playing with a friend has its issues as sharing too close a space makes it easy to accidentally pick up and damage your co-op partner which is discouraging however I still find it to be a better experience to playing alone which is usually the case in these kinds of games. Despite all of this, the simple arcade nature that’s found here makes it easy to jump in and start bashing away at all the strange occupants of irradiated New York City so at least its got that going for it.
Control-wise Two Crude Dudes performs okay but is not without its struggles. It makes sense to play as 2 giant neanderthals beating the hell out of everyone but do they really need to move as slowly as they do? It feels like your wading through intangible viscosity as you gingerly plod from one side of the screen to the other which sucks! The hit detection feels fine but your t-rex punch and baby kick make it difficult to reach the bad guys without getting in close which often leaves you prone for an attack. Grabbing items or enemies feels awkward as well since there is no real indication of where your exactly supposed to be standing when you reach for something which leads to many empty grasps. While they’re adequate enough to not be game-breaking, ultimately the controls are below average for a beat em’ up requiring too much necessary adaptation overall in a genre known for its simplicity.
The sound department is certainly interesting to say the least with a combination of twangy music and bland effects. Most of the soundtrack feels appropriate with its heavy riffs and cool bass but it doesn’t crescendo the way I want it to which leaves me wanting more. Still, it’s actually kind of cool at times with an edgy and ear-blasting “Genesis Metal” motif that is befitting of the surrounding environment. The sound effects are totally forgettable and provide next to nothing to the experience overall which is a shame.
Visually, Two Crude Dudes impresses me with some cool sprite designs and colorful backgrounds but it’s certainly not anything overly special. While many of those aforementioned backdrops look vibrant, too much of the foreground dissolves away (pretty much no matter what stage your on) into a bland menagerie of greys, blues and yellows which not only stales the eyes but also makes it tricky to tell which items can be picked up causing frustration. Some of the scrolling effects are a little disorienting at times as well which induces a small bit of nausea if I stare at it for too long but overall it’s a minor complaint as you don’t experience it too often. It’s an interesting idea to include a comic book style visual sound effect whenever you make impact on an adversary 
but the novelty on this wears out rather quickly and just sort of fades away after you see it the first couple of times. The real high point here is the awesomely wacky character designs who all look distinctive while providing the largest portion of the game’s personality and style which prevents my feelings in this department from being too dampened.
Gee… I wonder if a game called Two Crude Dudes has any ‘tude in it 
? You control buff badasses whose literal job is to clean up a dystopian New York City by beating the crap out of an army of mutant freaks all for the sake of money 
! That alone would probably be enough to send the ‘Tude Meter to its happy place but you also rock sunglasses like a boss, throw big enough projectiles at your enemies to completely pulverize them and walk among some of the most randomly funny graffiti you’ll ever encounter in a video game (seriously though, who’s tagging “banana” out here and why???). Besides all of that, you fight tanks with your fists and can also bodyslam (… or perhaps TANKSLAM) them which is just so beautifully ridiculous! A+ in this category for sure.
What a weird game! On the one hand the concept is really cool with some exceptionally interesting sprite designs and background graphics but on the other, the pace is unforgivably monotonous and the controls too stiff and lacking. While there’s no doubt that Two Crude Dudes fits into the Sega Genesis library perfectly just by title alone, its less-than-stellar performance overall cripples its chances at standing out amidst a very deep genre that just quite simply has better options everywhere you look. It’s a shame too since the ‘tude factor here is extremely high which raises my affinity towards it tenfold but it suffers too much from bland gameplay to break free from its shackles of boredom. It does however make me thirsty for a soda… time to start attacking some vending machines 
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Critical Analysis
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! Yeah you can like pick it up and everything which I have to admit makes me feel an entire smidgen better about mankind as a whole.|
GEEZ what an odd game! Two Crude Dudes is without question pure honest-to-goodness meh showcasing unremarkable metrics in nearly every category of conventional criticism while avoiding the bottom of the toxic waste barrel with its ‘tudey design and co-op support putting it somewhere in the mediocre middle. It’s a second-rate beat em’ up overall when compared to many of its contemporaries but it’s just unique enough to recommend for unintentional comedies sake (which is more than can be said for most). I’ll be the first to admit too that I’m a huge sucker for arcade ports especially when they’re done with the semblance of transition that’s displayed here but there’s too many detriments that prevent Two Crude Dudes from getting played as often as it wants you to. At least they improved on the title for the Genesis version by adding the always high-class word “Dudes” into the mix (known as just Two Crude in the arcades… Shouldn’t it be Too Crude?) virtually guaranteeing its impulse-appeal to curious “shoot-from-the-hip” gamers (Sega’s obvious demographic). Genesis DOES indeed! The most glaring disappointment to me here is the finicky controls as it never feels quite comfortable to grab things or maneuver your lumbering oaf which greatly effects the fun factor and my final rating as it probably could have improved an octave with basic enhancements in this one category alone. Spamming the throw is pretty darn hilarious though as waves of Big Valley goons are reconstituted as human pins getting bowled over by any and everything in their path that’s projectile-worthy (including street signs, vehicles and many of the adversaries themselves)! Did I mention that you punch tanks with your fists? I know, I can’t get over it but it’s AMAZING and probably the biggest reason I can muster to endorse this game so at least it has that going for it. In the end, The ‘Tude Dude’s Two Crude Dude’s (???) experience ends up as somewhat of a disappointment with yet another less-than-stellar release involving a game associated with the word “dudes” though it’s certainly not as cringe-worthy as the choppy Bad Dudes on the NES so take whatever you can get I suppose. |
“Hey Pyromaniac 
, Smokey the Bear doesn’t approve of your antics and neither do I!”
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
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-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on December 4, 2018
Top 10 Favorite NHL Players Of All Time
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
Favorite
Players
Of All Time
Let’s Do That Hockey
Most folks think of ice hockey as bare-knuckle boxing on skates and to be honest, I used to be one of them. It’s not exactly a sport that a lot of kids played in California so my exposure to it was somewhat limited growing up. Thankfully, Wayne Gretzky 
skated into my heart and brought a style and grace that helped translate the game from an all-out royal rumble on a rink into a nonstop action thrill-ride filled with extremely skilled players who utilize pinpoint precision while putting their bodies on the line as much (or more) as anyone else across the sports spectrum. With the trade that brought “The Great One” to my hometown LA Kings, ice hockey had become more accessible than it had ever been to those of us living in the naive sun-belt and I was ready to dive head-first into this awesome world full of bone-rattling body checks and buzzer-beating slap shots.
Right away, the first thing I picked up after watching a few games as a kid was that these dudes were tough. I mean REALLY TOUGH 
! Injuries are as frequent in this crazy sport as any other thanks to a combination of the high speeds these guys are going as they glide back and forth on the ice, the hard rubber puck being smacked around which can be a dangerous projectile and every player being equipped with a long hooked stick which has the potential to be used as a weapon by anyone at anytime. They fight each other quite often too which seems kind of odd considering the risk for further injury but a sport this fast has all sorts of things going on that escape the referees eyes so it’s actually pretty cool that they allow for some “self-policing” though this should always be monitored by the league in my opinion. One thing’s for sure, the guys that sustain long careers playing this “car crash on ice” are cut from a different cloth and should be heralded as some of the ‘tudiest and most badass athletes ever.
Another aspect that sort of surprised me was how many different types of players there were. Initially, I guess I felt that every hockey player was like a big toothless oaf 
(…apologies to Brent Burns) but I was impressed to learn of all of the different types of roles that could be filled on a team. There’s stick-handling maestros that break the laws of physics with amazing ability to maintain control of the puck (like Pavel Datsyuk 
and Sidney Crosby 
), Hard-shooting snipers who blast the rubber biscuit like a laser with blistering slap shots (like Alex Ovechkin 
and Brett Hull 
), goaltenders who play perhaps the most mentally and physically exhausting position in all of sports while contorting their bodies in all sorts of precarious ways (like Dominik Hasek 
and Henrik Lundqvist 
) and of course big tough defenseman who utilize brute force and physicality to disrupt offensive rushes with big nasty body checks (like Zdeno Chara 
and Chris Pronger 
). So many other roles exist as well (like pesky grinders whose job is to knock into opposing defenders when a teammate has the puck and help clear the way for an open shot or offensive defenseman who can increase the potency of your scoring chance by giving your team another shooting threat during possession (just to name a few) and many of the best players exhibit traits from multiple types which can make it harder to quantify them into one label however this sort of characterization of each position really helped me to differentiate them from each other and also learn more about the game itself as a whole.
That darn Stanley Cup 
too! Has there ever been a cooler trophy in the history of mankind? I mean, it’s no wonder these guys are destroying themselves to get their hands on the thing… it’s freakin’ RAD as hell! Somehow, it has like the name of every past champions laser-etched onto it (how much room is left?), there’s a bowl on top for your choice of culinary delight to be enjoyed while you gloat about your championship to your rivals 
and it’s handled by white-gloved professionals who polish it to a pristine shine before handing it off to a reckless pack of toothless animals for all sorts of random hilarity as they celebrate with it all off-season 
! While every sport contains some kind of trophy or achievement for winning in the final round, nothing truly compares to the prestige and awesomeness of Lord Stanley’s Cup and it will forever be my favorite reward to see lifted at the end of any sports season.
Speaking of prestige, the roots of ice hockey run deep and the celebration of history is as prevalent in this great sport as any other which makes learning about its culture exciting and interesting. Birthed in Canada (…obviously), hockey is entrenched as its nation’s pastime and produces the best players per capita in the NHL by a wide margin however it has also grown in extensive popularity in Europe and Asia (and of course here in the U.S.A.) where the climates are similarly frigid. There are tons of different amateur and professional leagues across the world but I think it’s fair to say that the NHL is without a doubt the premiere organization where the greatest players on Earth are assembled for the ultimate face-off of hockey skill. While the United States is inundated with all kinds of different sports, ice hockey has always fit in thanks to its non-stop action and edgy demeanor and stories like The Miracle On Ice 
show just how relevant this competition on skates can be to us upstart Americans. Move over ball sports, make room for hockey on U.S.A.‘s grand mantle of prime time competition!
News flash (in case you needed it)… ICE HOCKEY RULES!!! It’s fast-moving, has a ton of great history and is full of all kinds of charismatic players that broaden the game’s reach to the masses. Most of these guys are filled to the brim with ‘tude as well 
which certainly raises their appeal to me and also makes them a fun study when deciding who ranks higher on my most-liked chart. So join me, The ‘Tude Dude, as I break down my favorite slap-shooters, body checkers, net defenders and penalty boxers of all time into one nice and tidy list. Now that’s using your head 
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Position Key
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The following is a list of The ‘Tude Dude’s 10 favorite NHL players of all time.
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Gordie Howe, Martin Brodeur, Joe Sakic, Chris Pronger, Bobby Hull, Shea Weber, Mario Lemieux, Anze Kopitar, Maurice Richard, Ray Bourque, Luc Robitaille, Guy Lafleur, Brent Burns, Eric Lindros, Mike Richards, Chris Chelios, Patrick Kane, Peter Forsberg, Henrik Lundqvist, Brian Leetch, John Tavares, Rick Tocchet, Ryan Kesler, Stan Mikita, Bob Probert, Nicklas Lidstrom, Rod Brind’amour, Evgeni Malkin, Dale Hawerchuk, Ed Jovanovski, Jonathan Toews, Steve Yzerman, Marian Hossa, Zdeno Chara, Teemu Selanne, Brett Hull, Wayne Simmonds, Kris Letang, Joe Thornton, Erik Karlsson, Mike Modano, Kelly Hrudey, George Parros, Gary Roberts, Vincent Lecavalier, Derian Hatcher, Mike Cammaleri, Nicklas Backstrom, Adam Oates, Pavel Bure, Pekka Rinne, Doug Gilmoure, Keith Tkachuk, Dustin Byfuglien, Theoren Fleury, Justin Williams, Markus Naslund, Tie Domi, Logan Couture, Jari Kurri, Ed Belfour, Simon Gagne, Jarome Iginla, Pierre Turgeon, Eric Staal, Alec Martinez, Mike Richter, Auston Mathews, Mike Bossy, Patrick Sharp, Pavol Demitra, Petr Sykora, Dustin Brown, Martin St. Louis, Sergei Federov, Georges Laraque, Mattias Norstrom, Felix Potvin, Al Macinnis, Chris Neil, Alex Kovalev, Daniel Alfredsson, Marian Gaborik, Braden Holtby, Jeff Friesen, Keith Primeau, Marcel Dionne, John Scott, Peter Bondra, Ron Francis, Ryan Suter, Pat LaFontaine, P.K. Subban, Cam Neely, Owen Nolan, Miroslav Satan, Chris Simon, Duncan Keith, Bill Guerin, Dave Andreychuk, Patrik Elias, Milan Lucic, Paul Coffey, T.J. Oshie, Curtis Joseph, Darryl Sydor, Steven Stamkos, Alexander Mogilny, Joe Pavelski, Donald Brashear, Matt Greene, Mark Recchi, Brad Marchand, Mats Sundin, Tony Twist, Paul Kariya, Connor McDavid, John Vanbiesbrouck, John Leclair, David Backes, Jeremy Roenick, Patrick Marleau, Jamie Benn, Tony Amonte, Carey Price and what the heck let’s get Ziggy with it… Zigmund Palffy |
.Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by 
Posted on November 11, 2018
A Retro Review – Zelda II: The Adventure Of Link
Hit play above for in-game music from this title
Scroll below for review
presents a
by
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Despite its unfamiliar side-scrolling posterior, Zelda II: The Adventure Of Link shines brightly on its own providing players with one of the toughest and most satisfying Triforce fetch-quests in the entire saga |
Story
A few years after the events of the first Legend of Zelda, Link discovers the land of Hyrule in complete disarray as princess Zelda has been cast into a sleeping spell (apparently by some evil magician who died immediately after using it), Ganon’s minions have re-assembled with the intent of resurrecting their old porky master and there’s a mysterious third piece of the legendary Triforce (known as the Triforce of courage) hidden inside the Great Palace of Hyrule which is the key to it all. Now it’s up to Link to find a way to retrieve the final piece of the legendary treasure and save Zelda from a terrible comatose fate before Ganon can return fully to the world! Geez, maybe it’s time to consider hiring Link for permanent security detail.
Overview
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is an action/role playing game where you once again step into the green tunic of Link and advance your way across the land of Hyrule this time in an effort to revive princess Zelda from a sleeping enchantment. While technically a direct sequel to The Legend of Zelda, Zelda II deviates from the design of the originals top-down perspective by introducing a side-scrolling style that evolved the gameplay and brought more challenges than ever before. Despite this, most Zelda fans will feel right at home in terms of objectives as you take command of the titular hero and slash your way through caves and dungeons utilizing every trick and item you have at your disposal.
Other additions to Zelda II include an overworld screen, the use of magic and a “level-up” system but your main course of action as always is your sword and shield which you’ll need to properly engage/defend the many adversaries found throughout Hyrule. While there’s plenty to discover as you trek about the map (including towns where you learn new moves), Link’s primary goal is to locate 6 labyrinth-like dungeons and battle his way to the end of each one in order to unlock the Great Palace and the path to the final encounter. Make your way completely through this giant maze of doom and pass its final test to obtain the mysterious third piece of the Triforce to rescue both princess Zelda and the land of Hyrule!
Cast
| * = Alias moniker created by The ‘Tude Dude due to the lack of an original one |
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 Health Lady* (protagonist support) Found pacing about in any of the towns you trek through, the “health lady” leads you into her house and refills your life bar causing imaginations to spike with promiscuous thoughts whether justified or not |
 Magic Lady* (protagonist support) Just like the “health lady”, the “magic lady” can be found in towns and refills your magic meter when Link follows her into her house though nobody seems to question what happens in there probably because they’d be afraid of the answer |
 Hylian Knights (protagonist support) Totally content with sitting on the sidelines and letting Link run off into battle on his own, these fully armored sticks-in-the-mud instead assist our hero by opening passages and training in jump thrusts which certainly doesn’t replace the “blitzkrieg” that these soldiers could potentially provide but it is what it is |
 Wise Old Man* (protagonist support) Found lurking in the basements of most towns, these wise old gnomes train Link in the ways of magic while saving money on rent through subletting |
 Mazura (antagonist support) Ruler of Parapa Palace and a sucker for saltlick, Mazura (a.k.a. Horsehead) wears full-body armor making attacks to his lower extremities impenetrable forcing focus on his fat head |
 Jermafenser (antagonist support) Found loitering across the swamp in Midoro Palace, this tall blue knight shops at the same armor store as his Horsehead counterpart requiring Link to exclusively stab him high however his heads fly off after successive hits and shoot projectiles while a new one grows in its place adding a layer of awesomeness |
 Rebonack (antagonist support) Essentially a blue Iron Knuckle riding lancer-style on a no-legged horse, this boss governs the Island Palace and requires dismounting with the aid of your newly acquired down thrust before he can be dispatched in traditional fashion |
 Carock (antagonist support) Peek-a-boo master and resident wizard supreme of the Maze Island Palace, this cloaked hoodlum can only be defeated by reflecting his own magic back at him which begs the question why he didn’t consider alternative attack methods but whatever |
 Gooma (antagonist support) Taking up residence in the Palace on the Sea with his old ball and chain, this barbarian-looking mongoloid requires a stick-and-move strategy while going with an opposite armor structure of earlier foes by re-enforcing the head instead of the body |
 Barba (antagonist support) The legendary “fire dragon” occupying Three-Eye Rock Palace, this towering serpent rises out of his lava pit when provoked and breathes fire on anyone who disturbs his slumber especially green tunic-wearing hero wannabe’s (his words) |
 Thunderbird (antagonist support) The first major disturbance encountered in the Great Palace, this flying behemoth guards the Triforce chamber with his rainstorm of fireballs and requires the “thunder” spell to be cast before he’s even hittable rendering Link’s magic meter near empty right off the bat |
 Shadow Link (main antagonist) The final roadblock between Link and the Triforce of Courage, Shadow Link is presumably a dark amalgamation created by Ganon with mirrored attack patterns and movements as our hero making him a very dangerous foe worthy of full attention |
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Eyes Of Ganon Are Everywhere… Just Not The Rest Of Him (XL section)
“Woah son… let’s try this game out it looks like they’re REALLY sword fighting!” Instantly, when I recall Zelda II: The Adventure of Link I’m brought back quite a bit to when my dad and I first rented this epic action/role player back in the late 80’s. There was just something perfect about the side-scrolling nature of Link’s second adventure that really clicked with us both right off the bat. I mean, it had kick-ass sword & shield gameplay, a big world to get lost in and brutal difficulty which brought us both much satisfaction. Plus, like its older brother it too was adorned with a coat of gold 
which gave it the appearance of some mystical treasure as it out-shined the other games that competed for our attention at the rental store.
We both took turns diving into the world of Hyrule because Zelda games are of course single player however we engaged this epic journey like a pair of aces 
with the “co-pilot” keeping a watchful eye on the map and also on potential secrets hidden around the world which might escape the “pilots” eyes. This style of playing gave the game a definite multiplayer feel and it kept us both locked in throughout the adventure as we encouraged each other to achieve new goals despite the punishing challenge. To this day, I cannot play Zelda II without fondly recounting the great memories I cultivated with my father during this super rad time of youth for the NES, the Zelda franchise and The ‘Tude Dude. Not a whole lot more for me to say here other than… 
!!!
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is a side-scrolling action/RPG where you once again step into the role of the pointy-eared hero of Hyrule, Link
, and slice your way through hordes of evil minions with the ultimate goal being the revival of the sleep-enchanted princess Zelda 
. To do this, you must discover 6 palaces located throughout Hyrule and place a crystal in the statue 
of each one after defeating the guardian who protects it. Upon completion of this, the magical barrier that prevents initial entry into the final palace will be lifted and the path to the Triforce will become tangible which will save the princess after retrieval (maybe it’s like a cosmic alarm clock or something).
Basically, the story goes that a few years after the events of the first game Link was startled by the appearance of a strange symbol on the back of his hand and after showing it to one of Zelda’s closest confidants learned of the current fate of the cursed princess. Additionally, while Ganon himself (the always final boss in the Zelda series) remains deceased after the awesome climactic battle from before, his lackeys have regrouped in force with a kind of weird/badass plan to kill Link and spill his blood over their fallen masters ashes with the obvious intention of resurrection 
. (*Sigh*)… “If only there was another, perhaps hidden, piece of the Triforce that I could find… I’d put a stop to all these ridiculous monsters and wake up that clearly faking it just to get time off princess” Link said to himself. Well, GOOD NEWS cause it turns out that Zelda’s dad hid the third piece to the golden triangle collector set in a completely inconvenient labyrinth guarded by the toughest enemies perhaps ever conceived in a Zelda title and all you gotta do is go in there and get it… simple 
. Of course, there’s much more to this tangled tale that I’m not touching on and I guess it’s worth looking up for context sake if you feel like it but all you gotta know is that Zelda’s asleep and the only way to wake her legendary behind up is to give all the bosses of the game you come across a taste of your sword until you find that wish-granting pointy treasure.
Much like its predecessor, (The Legend of Zelda) Zelda II: The Adventure of Link’s main form of offense is to stab at enemies with your sword 
which can be utilized in a standing or crouching position 
thanks to the new side-scrolling viewpoint. Similar to the previous entry Link can shoot a projectile sword when his health is full 
however it’s much weaker than before and also travels less distance (I guess some things are easier when your young 
?). Another new addition to the Zelda series found here is the ability to jump and platform which opened up game designers to create new and interesting boards for our little green buddy to navigate as well as additional attacks to add to your arsenal like the down and up thrust 
which are both extremely effective at taking out enemies either above or below.
The games overworld screen is presented top-down and Link can traverse the world of Hyrule here to reach new locations but beware as enemies 
can appear randomly (whenever off of safe roads) and engage you which will instantly take you to an action screen that you’ll need to fight or dodge your way through. As before, there are necessary items that must be found in order to progress (like the raft 
and hammer 
) however it’s interesting that they’re not used offensively in this version and reduced to boring attachments that more-or-less just help you reach new areas. Instead, the new magic spells provide Link with some fresh maneuvers to play around with in-game like jump which will increase Link’s leaping height or Fire which shoots a rad fireball from your sword 
just to name a couple. Seriously though, I’ll be perfectly fine without ever having to cast that fairy 
spell ever again in my life! There’s also a new experience system which grants Link increased power in attack, life and magic which is an interesting (and somewhat unnecessary) wrinkle to the established formula so keep an eye out for those point bags 
in addition to stacking your score from defeating enemies.
Towns dot the playing field for the first time in a Zelda game and there essentially a safe haven where Link can restore health and magic as well as learn new spells and attacks. Yet another interesting tweak from The Legend of Zelda is the fact that enemies do not drop hearts at all so utilizing the towns to restore yourself as well as random faeries and your life spell are the only way for Link to regain health (well… leveling up counts if you add a point to your life column). Enemies swarm at you in all kinds of different varieties no matter if your in a cave or wandering around off of the beaten path on the overworld screen so be prepared for a fight at every corner! Bogeys range in difficulty (depending on your location) from the relatively simple Bot’s 
and Octorock’s 
to the grueling Daria’s 
and Iron Knuckle’s 
who push your skills to the max with their relentless attacks. Each palace contains a unique boss fight in it as well (like the mace-wielding Horsehead 
or the awesome-looking Carock 
who blasts at you with repeated waves of energy that must be reflected back at him) and they’re a huge improvement over the previous games encounters but don’t hold your breath for an appearance from Ganon (he only shows up to mock you at the game over screen 
) as instead you’ll have to battle the overtly frustrating Dark Link at the games conclusion who is a mirror image of your character and an abundantly satisfying challenge but a little disappointing from a narrative stand-point.
Overall, in terms of gameplay not much has changed since The Legend of Zelda as far as what your doing (plow through dungeons, collect treasures, repeat) but how your doing it has changed quite a bit (side-scrolling action, more linear) and can play better or worse depending on the preferences of specific players. Personally, while I’m still more inclined to the free-roaming style of the first game, I absolutely LOVE the put-hair-on-your-chest challenge that Zelda II provides and still retain the most satisfaction upon this games completion to any other Zelda game that I have ever played to date! The controls are a big part of this feeling as the challenge presented comes mostly from heated and well-executed attacks in addition to timing which transports you into the action like never before. Of course I have to mention the dreaded “knock-back” that occurs when you take a hit develops frustration quickly and is too often a cause of death as your sent into an adjacent lava pit of death however it’s adaptable and not unfamiliar to anyone that’s played a Castlevania or Ninja Gaiden game so it’s not the worst thing ever.
I must say, I really like the sound department in this one quite a bit. All of the effects are appropriate and memorable whether hearing the “sizzle” from a nearby fire or the “twang” from a strike of your sword onto a hard surface but it’s the music that really wins the day as it’s equally as good as the first games with increased variety which prevents it from getting as stale as it used to. Extra points for the awesome Great Palace theme found in the final throws of Link’s adventure as it still gets me psyched for the gauntlet at the end and motivates me to push through despite the brutal challenge it presents.
Graphically, Zelda II performs admirably and improves the visual style to include more variety similarly to the musical enhancements from the previous title. Not much to complain about in any of the action screens as they contain lots of detail and a wide array of colors however the over world does look pretty dumb 
(…look at little Link go!). The sprites also look good (from the enemies to the townsfolk) and are yet another example of the increased variety found in the sequel to The Legend of Zelda. ‘Tude-wise, Zelda II maintains a similar moderate range from before as it provides a gore-free stab and grab journey that’s safe enough for kids but not exactly what you would want them to re-enact at home (“No Billy… we’re not gonna shoot fireballs in the house!”). Suffice it to say, the Zelda series is always bereft of this category as it’s never had to rely on any bells or whistles in the coolness department to succeed.
In conclusion, Zelda II is an awesome action/adventure role playing game that provides an excellent challenge with a deep combat system to give NES fans one of the grandest adventures found on the entire system. While many of the changes found in The Adventure of Link led to a controversial split of Legend of Zelda fans in terms of their opinions towards the series (a LOT of people don’t like this game compared to the first one), I find too many quality gameplay mechanics here that make this title stand apart from so many others. Its aesthetically beautiful, the controls are responsive and its as addictive to me as any other in the franchise which checks off across the board as far as meeting the benchmark set by the original goes. Most of all, the challenge here is one of the most grueling yet rewarding ones you’ll ever come across not just for a Zelda game but for the entirety of gaming! So go and be Zelda’s wake-up call and try out the unique and satisfying Zelda II: The Adventure of Link for a truly epic NES side-scrolling journey today 
!
Critical Analysis
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5/5 |
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4/5 |
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5/5 |
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4/5 |
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What an interesting specimen Zelda II: The Adventure Of Link turned out to be! It departed drastically from the original game’s design which caused a bit of an alienated feel when presented to the masses (a viewpoint many still share to this day), yet it stands proudly as one of the most engaging and rewarding experiences you can have within the franchise and on the entire NES tasking players with arguably their most grueling trudge through Hyrule’s vestiges to date! Swapping the controller back and forth with my dad as we hoofed our way through this smorgasbord of side-scrolling sword action easily ranks as one of my all-time favorite childhood memories though it bypasses any potential rose-tinting with your typical Zelda-franchise collection of blue-ribbon components including distinguishable graphics, memorable sounds, tight controls and a grand adventure that’s sure to keep you invested all the way to the end. Say what you will about the difficulty level in comparison to its predecessor (a macro perspective huffed by many hardcore Zelda “purists”) but its golden display is earned through an individual showcase of greatness as it weaves a pleasantly satisfying adventure around you from start to finish much like its big brother. Cue the Zelda jingle! Suffice it to say that while Zelda II: The Adventure Of Link is indeed great in its own right, it DOES fall behind the original in a couple of important spots preventing its style from overtaking The Legend Of Zelda’s in the concept department (evidenced by the third entry in the series). The amount of death-pits in the game is maddening considering the Castlevania-style recoil experienced whenever Link is attacked (an anxiety-inducing and unavoidable problem) making this an unfortunate rage-quit victim. Also, the experience system feels completely superfluous adding nothing to the already established formula of progression through item acquisition (something you still do here anyways) showcasing Nintendo’s slippery grasp of this vital role-playing aspect. Still, be that as it may, Zelda II does enough good everywhere else that many of its issues fade away into Hyrule’s 8-bit setting sun as it embarks on a grandiose expedition all its own combining the dungeon-romping gameplay of its predecessor with the slick sideways action of many of the top releases at the time. While it’s certainly different from anything else embroidered with Zelda’s moniker, it’s equal parts in value, aesthetic and most importantly… fun. I wonder how Error’s doing? |
“Yep… I’ll be just fine napping here the whole time while you take care of everything 
!”
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Posted on October 7, 2018
Vs. Battle – Paperboy
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
by
&
| (Sega Genesis) |
(NES) |
| Genre | (Action/Adventure) |
| Players |
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Tale Of The Tapes
Paperboy is a newspaper throwing/bicycle riding action game where your objective is to deliver papers to houses while avoiding a myriad of obstacles such as bees, possessed garden gnomes, skater punks, the Grim Reaper and more! The game progresses through a full week, starting on Monday, with each day consisting of making deliveries to your subscribers (indicated by their brightly colored houses) while also defacing non-subscribers houses (the dark ones) and generally causing all sorts of random hilarity involving rolled-up periodicals. At the end of the street on each day is a training course where additional points can be accumulated before celebrating your days achievements being fawned over by your biggest fans.
Starting out as an arcade game with a unique bicycle handlebar controller 
, Paperboy not only looks completely different at first glance but plays like nothing else as well with its over-the-top rendition of what newspaper delivery boys go through on a day-to-day basis. While it could be considered an action game, Paperboy is more like a single-screen score attack where posting your name prominently next to the 1st place placard is as essential as any other aspect. Finding additional success after making its way to home consoles, Paperboy continued the window shattering tradition and delivered its most notable releases on the NES and the Sega Genesis respectively which just so happen to be the 2 versions of the game that we’re gonna see in the ring today. *EXTRA* *EXTRA* READ ALL ABOUT IT… PAPERBOYS ARE BATTLING TO THE DEATH!!!
The Battle
The Genesis version starts this fight out right away with some snapping jabs in the gameplay department as it follows the arcade version more closely with 3 different street options (Easy Street, Middle Road and Hard Way) as opposed to the single one you get in the NES version. Additionally, the difficulty can be changed in the Genesis version and cannot on the NES which broadens the games reach to new players and raises the replayability for experienced veterans. The control differences are somewhat negligible though I do prefer the coasting speed of the bicycle on the NES version but it’s not enough to muster a comeback as the Genesis version was able to land too many successful blows in this section causing the NES edition to get knocked back to the ropes.
Round 1 Analysis
| Gameplay | |
| Controls | PUSH |
Round 1 winner
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Clear win in the opening round for the Genesis version as it provides more gameplay options as well as a near equal parts control experience to the NES. |
Things get pretty interesting in the sight and sound department as it’s impossible to compare games of different strength consoles equally because (of course) the more powerful console would win every time so instead I will try to judge them based on how much they push their own hardware. Graphically, the Genesis version has a nice color palette and distinguishable sprites that once again look much closer to the arcade version and the music sounds great also with that distinctive Sega twang but the sounds are slightly less enticing compared to the NES which might be that versions strongest suit. I swear, there’s not too many noises in life that give me more “happy chills” than the crackling glass sound from throwing a paper at the globe lantern in front of a house in the NES version. However, the graphics of Paperboy on the Nintendo have always looked bland to me even in the 8-bit realm not to mention there’s a similarly awesome brain massaging shatter noise when you throw a paper through a window (just wish you heard it when you broke the glass globes in this game) on the Genesis so round 2 is going to go to the blast processor by a slight edge.
Round 2 Analysis
| Music/Sound | PUSH |
| Graphics | |
Round 2 winner
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It’s a much closer call in this round as both versions deliver nicely in the music/sound department but I feel that the biggest difference here is the Genesis version looks more impressive visually on its system to me than the NES version which sort of just fades away amongst a huge library of Nintendo games that have better graphics. |
Overall winner
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It’s a somewhat surprising 2 round victory for the Genesis version over the very solid NES incarnation. Even though the execution is done well on both sides, the Genesis edition is a near doppleganger to the arcade game in all facets which provides a slightly better newspaper throwing experience overall to its 8-bit counterpart. Make no mistake though, the NES loses the battle here but Paperboy still plays quite well on it and is every bit the classic on the Nintendo as the slightly superior Genesis. Even with murky graphics, I still love everything else about the simplistic approach found on the NES edition especially the crazy mesmerizing sound effects and all-time memorable music. However despite the high marks achieved by the NES edition, the Genesis version feels of higher quality and is one of the better examples of seeing a true jump in performance when doubling the bit count. Everything that should be better… IS although some of the sound effects are a little disappointing which I would consider hair-splitting. At the end of the day, if presented with the choice between newspaper delivery boy simulators, throw your periodical into the Sega Genesis mailbox for its deeper gameplay options and impressive arcade sights and sounds as it feels more refined in just about every way. |
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