Posted on July 19, 2018
Mortal Kombat The Movie – A Flawed Victory?
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presents a
A Flawed
Victory?
Plenty Of Cheese But Hold The Blood
“You will be next 
!” Ahh the Mortal Kombat movie. I was a little surprised that this wasn’t complete crap after the debacle of Street Fighter. The film basically made a similar approach in the hype department with cool movie posters and advertisements so at first, I was hesitant to embrace the idea with open arms since I felt like a lover scorned after Street Fighter sucked so hard. The bitterness swelled within as the excitement grew for this movie.
“Dude, I hope it’s like the goriest movie of all time!” “Can you imagine how cool this is gonna be?” “They gotta have Goro in it!” These are an example of the thoughts of many of my friends and kids at school at the time but they definitely were not mine. “Why are you people so excited?” I scoffed with disgust as I recounted my horrifying experience of Street Fighter. “If they can’t get Street Fighter right then what chance do they really have with Mortal Kombat?” While my initial prejudices were certainly a bit too harsh (these Street Fighter colors don’t run!), I was elated to report to my friends the disappointing news that the movie would in fact be… PG-13. Wow… gonna be kind of hard to have decapitations and death spikes now!
Also, besides Chris Lambert 
(who I remembered from The Highlander series) there wasn’t any actors that I recognized which certainly did not have me nearly as geeked out as Street Fighter did with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Oh no… have I become cynical? I realized through all of my negative dribble that I was listing reasons why not to like the movie (without even having seen it yet no less) instead of looking for reasons to possibly find enjoyment in it. After all, Mortal Kombat 
is one of my favorite video games of all time and just as prime for a movie adaptation as Street Fighter or any other gaming series for that matter.
…NAHHHHH!!! Screw that man! I was convinced that this was gonna blow chunks big time! All I had to go on which made me feel this way was the fact that every video game movie (up to this point… and pretty much ever since) had completely and utterly sucked royally with cheesy acting and lousy plots. Still though, despite all of my grim murmurings about the potential of this movie I was excited to see it if for no other reason, to test out this new critical brain that had materialized thanks in large part to my innocence being trampled on by Street Fighter (gee, thanks a lot 
).
Well the time came for the films release in theaters and I sat down in that seat not sure what I was going to get but I did know one thing, Mortal Kombat would not dupe me in a similar way like Street Fighter did before and I was as prepared as I could possibly be for anything (heeding the advice of the marketing gimmick found on the movie poster which had become synonymous with the series). It was hard to not get instantly pumped after that wicked opening! MORTAL KOMBAT!!! The characters are easily recognizable (although live-action Shang Tsung 
looks a little different from his gaming counterpart 
… alright A LOT different but who cares- he rules) and they act as they should which is cool and helped me jump into the story right away. The plot is okay… I guess (centered around a mystical tournament to defend Earth) but at the very least it’s better than Street Fighter’s clumsy story so that’s another plus. Also, Johnny Cage totally owns it in this and cracks me up in most of the scenes that he’s in 
.
So yeah… it’s not putrid and that’s great because it’s already ahead of any other video game movie at the time (and arguably today) just by default. It’s kind of funny how little I needed in order to feel some satisfaction from this genre because Mortal Kombat is far from perfect. Most of the acting is sub-par to say the least (I’m looking at you Kitana 
) and the fight choreography would fit right in with the Power Rangers. Not to mention, how the hell can you not make this a complete blood party? Mortal Kombat was/is one of the most recognizably gory video games of all time so I feel that this movie really missed the boat by going PG-13 and it’s hard to forgive.
Besides Johnny Cage and Shang Tsung(…all right and Kano 
), none of the other characters are really that memorable and don’t bring a lot to this movie in terms of dialogue or action. Also worth mentioning, the CG is some of the worst I have ever seen in a film and hasn’t aged well at all but I don’t want to be too harsh on it since I’m sure they didn’t have a super-duper budget or anything. Still, I wish they avoided the awful looking “Geico” lizard Reptile 
and just had him in his ninja outfit or not have him in the movie at all since he was a hidden character in the first game anyways. I have mixed feelings about Goro 
as well. I give the filmmakers credit for setting a high bar and taking a risk by going with an animatronic suit instead of relying further on their underdeveloped CG however he was way too stiff and did not look good when he was moving and fighting at all which makes the movie seem more b-rated to me.
So its got flaws for sure but sad enough to this day I still haven’t seen a closer to-the-game adaptation in film than this which is either a feather in this movies cap or extremely saddening for the prospects of the video game motion picture genre as a whole. It’s pretty funny to me that I would recommend Mortal Kombat the movie now seeing as how grim it looked to my young judgmental self but it turned out okay in the end. It’s pointless and lacking in quality but at least they tried… I suppose 
. I like the look of all the characters and many of the sets are quite visually appealing as well 
. In the end, Mortal Kombat is a cheesy and harmless video game film that is far from being great by any means but it’s a whole hell of a lot better than Super Mario Bros., Double Dragon or (HACK… clears throat) Street Fighter and that makes it a victory in my mind even if it is a flawed one.
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Published by 
Posted on July 15, 2018
Vs. Battle – Zombies Ate My Neighbors
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presents a
by
&
 (Sega Genesis) |
 (SNES) |
| Genre |  (Action/Adventure) |
| Players |  (Single/Multiplayer) |
Tale Of The Tapes
Zombies Ate My Neighbors is a top-down shooter where your goal is to rescue neighbors from all kinds of different monsters in an attempt to find the exit of each stage and move on to the next one. The game can be played either single or multiplayer and there are 2 unique characters that you can choose from (Zeke 
and Julie 
) but they play exactly the same and only have cosmetic differences. There are several different weapons to find and use such as water guns, soda cans, tomatoes, bazookas and many more in a quest through 40+ stages including back yards, shopping malls and the like. The game also includes a huge variety of fun monsters to stomp through like chainsaw-wielding Jason Vorhees lookalikes, gigantic babies, slow plodding zombies, etc.
The exaggerated “neighbors” that require rescuing are all over-the-top and easy to spot like cheerleaders, picture taking tourists and meandering toddlers just to name a few. Zombies Ate My Neighbors even has boss battles in it which are challenging and helps to increase the gameplay variety. The game was released on the Sega Genesis and the Super Nintendo and offers the same adventure in both titles yet executed in slightly different ways to meet the hardware demands of the console they were being played on. Let the battle begin!
The Battle
Both games feel exactly the same in terms of gameplay but I will give a slight edge in controls to the SNES version mainly due to the fact that Zombies Ate My Neighbors requires 4 buttons which fits onto the Super Nintendo controller’s face buttons perfectly while feeling more awkward on the Genesis. Even though it’s a microscopic difference, it’s enough for me to be able to tell them apart. The Genesis does offer an option to customize the buttons but it still can’t compete with the already perfect layout of the Super Nintendo.
Round 1 Analysis
| Gameplay | PUSH |
| Controls | |
Round 1 winner
|
|
The SNES version lands the knockout blow in this round with brighter graphics and better quality sounds. While the Genesis version performs well enough that you wouldn’t be losing out if this is all you had, looking at it with a critical eye finds some small differences that gives the Super Nintendo version of Zombies Ate My Neighbors the advantage. The colors look dull on the Genesis version but even worse is the less thumpy music which can’t compete with the radder sounding tunes on the SNES.
Round 2 Analysis
| Music/Sound | |
| Graphics | |
Round 2 winner
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Overall winner
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Published by
Posted on July 8, 2018
A Retro Review – NARC
Hit play above for in-game music from this title
Scroll below for review
presents a
by
&
 |
 (NES) |
 |
(Action/Adventure) |
 |
(Single/Multiplayer) |
 |
 (Coolness guaranteed) |
 |
 (Good game) |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
Though not complex or innovative enough to stand out gameplay-wise, NARC’s b-rated movie quality cheese combined with its simplicity and multiplayer ability make it worth walking a beat through these oddball streets if even just for a quick laugh |
Story
Drugs and other illegal activities have run amok thanks to Mr. Big and his criminal organization. While many people wanted Mr. Big put out of business, no one had the guts… until now. The chairman of the Narcotics Opposition has commissioned his two toughest officers, Max Force & Hit Man, to put a stop to all this debauchery and send Mr. Big to the slammer for good!
Overview
NARC is a side-scrolling shooter game where your goal is to eliminate the criminal element in your city through superior firepower! Each level consists of blasting through drug dealers and other offenders as you walk from the starting point to the exit which can only be unlocked by retrieving that levels “safe card”- found as a random drop from a fallen foe. You have two main attacks, your machine gun and missile launcher, with which to cause damage to enemies but you can also “arrest” some by touching them with your character and holding still on them for a few seconds which gives you additional points. Further bonuses like contraband can be picked up for more scoring options and you can also drive the Porsche in the Bridge stage!
Teach these lawbreakers what “just say no” is all about as you aggressively uphold the public trust across 7 levels in either single or multiplayer and bust/eliminate all sorts of crazy deviants in your quest to clean up the streets! Each area brings a new type of wacky criminal such as Dr. Spike Rush, the cities local underground chemist who hurls giant hypodermic needles at you or Joe Rockhead, the hopped-up garbage man with superhuman strength who requires many more bullets than the normal bad guy to take down. Make your way through each level and into the darkest underbelly of Mr. Big’s drug running organization to confront the drug kingpin himself and destroy him to complete the game.
Cast
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 Mr. Big (main antagonist) Top of the drug food-chain… severed head with a smile |
We’ll Send The Next Of Kin A Copy Of The Warrant (XL section)
“Winners don’t use drugs.” 
As a kid, this was a phrase that I remember reading a lot as I spent many an afternoon staring blankly into countless arcade machines. While it seemed like nothing more than positive propaganda, it never applied to the games that contained it in any kind of literal sense… until now! NARC took an aggressive approach to this traditional slogan by slapping convention in the face and bringing swift unhinging justice to all the crime of the world… WITH MISSILES!!! “Just say no”… more like JUST SAY MOW as in mow down everyone and everything you see with your machine guns (all right it’s a bit of a stretch)! Or perhaps… we “D.A.R.E.” you to find a better drug enforcement game (
and… I’m done)?
Starting off its life appropriately in the arcades 
, NARC flashed with an instant ‘tudey brilliance as it told the story of two cops who blasted through wave after wave of charismatic criminals for the sake of peace, justice and points and I was stoked when this co-op classic made its way home to the NES. NARC stars Max Force 
and Hit Man 
(are you guys real cops?), two Narcotics officers who have apparently been given the green light to kick the doors in on the local drug trafficker, Mr. Big 
and halt his operation for good. However in order to do this, they’re gonna have to survive the onslaught of his huge organization made up of peddlers, pimps, thieves, etc. and they don’t plan on going down without a fight. Are you the one with the guts that the game box is talking about?
Pressing start instantly zooms you to a dossier screen where you can briefly learn about the upcoming level’s featured enemy and also chuckle at the funny mugshot they have for each of these over-the-top criminal exaggerations. Next thing you know, your racing into the zone with your Porsche
and your character jumps out of the car while going max speed like a total boss, leaving your obviously standard issue police vehicle in a controlled tailspin that probably parks itself perfectly offscreen 
(or careens into a nearby telephone pole 
– either way… BADASS!). Be prepared to introduce yourself to the cities underworld of crime gun-first to extend the laws long arm in your fair town once and for all!
The game will default in single player but a second person can join in at any time “arcade style” for twice the justice serving power. Enemies waste no time flocking you and engaging quickly so be prepared to start enforcing the law with your guns! You have 2 attacks, machine guns and missiles, both requiring ammunition which can be obtained by defeating adversaries and collecting more that drop on the ground so always stay on the look-out.
Shooting with your machine gun is pretty satisfying but if you really want to make an impact in the drug community, blow these criminals into charcoal chunks with your missile launcher 
! It’s freakin’ brutal and you’ll be hard pressed to find any single cooler thing you can do on the NES! In addition to your arsenal, you can also arrest some enemies by holding still over them until they hold their hands up and after a second or 2 they fly off the screen to be collected as points at level’s end. You even get to drive the Porsche in level 3 which is stylin’ and comes equipped with front-mounted machine guns for maximum innocence protection but unfortunately it doesn’t last long enough as too many obstacles prevent you from having more fun with it.
NARC’s criminal rundown is pretty funny and the dossiers at the beginning of each stage add personality to what would probably be just more random 8-bit characters otherwise which is a nice touch. How can you not want to bust hardened dudes such as Dr. Spike Rush (aka Hypoman) 
who destroy the community with their human-sized hypodermic needles or Kinky Pinky 
, your cities local sex-trafficking porno clown, plus more? Why stop at just catching the big fish though? There’s plenty of smaller fry to stack your quota with such as multitudes of the Das Lof Gang 
, reckless drivers who need their licenses revoked and… dogs 
(pretty much).
These deviants can also drop contraband when gunned down such as money or drugs which can be collected for extra points however you also need to do this in order to find the level’s “safe” card which is the key to unlocking the exit of the stage. While the gameplay is relatively simple, its arcade-like nature lends itself well to the “just want to pick up a game and start playing” crowd disregarding long-winded story dialogue and bringing you right into the action. Despite the fact that some of the run and gun mechanics can become monotonous, the game is short enough (only 7 levels) that this feels more nullified than it otherwise would in a longer game. Seems like the wheels of justice in NARC are attached to a race car (it’s about time)!
The controls are a little sloppy on the NES compared to its arcade counterpart but they’re not broken. The arcade version featured a 4-button layout to perform your jumps, crouches, machine guns and missiles but the NES version “fit” these 4 commands into 2 buttons by tapping them to jump and shoot your missiles and pressing them to crouch and shoot your machine gun. While this does ultimately work okay, there’s really no way to avoid accidentally shooting a missile from time-to-time which can be frustrating. Also, attempting to jump and shoot at the same time feels clunky (and looks really dumb) which can make defending yourself against those attack helicopters a chore. While they’re certainly playable and not game-breaking, they are an acquired taste that takes time to adapt to in order to maximize your chances at making it through to the end.
The sound effects are forgettable but I love the catchy music which helps maintain a seedy undertone as you kick the rocks over on all of Mr. Big’s illegal operations. There’s not a ton of variety since the level count is low but what is here feels perfectly grungy and accompanies the crime-busting adventure like a machine gun with a missile launcher attachment. No wonder they’re wearing those helmets, I bet they get great headphone quality!
The graphics are a mixed bag of distinguishable sprites and dull backgrounds. The color palette is surprisingly varied for the NES and ranges from bland browns and yellows to bright blues and greens which adds depth to the visuals but all-in-all they’re not overly impressive. What is that thing picking the letters 
? Is it a pink airplane? I know it’s supposed to be a finger but it cracks me up every time I see it. “We will be making our approach to the letter a in about fifteen minutes.”
The ‘Tude Meter reads off the charts from start to finish on this one. Max Force & Hit Man 
(honestly those names are great) look rad as hell with their battle suits, machine guns and “Just say no” Porsche and it gets even more ‘tudey with suggestive themes not normally seen on the NES and the ability to BLOW PEOPLE UP which still ranks as one of my favorite things you can do on the plucky ole’ Nintendo EVER! Even the final boss encounter with Mr. Big is full of awesomeness as you battle his disembodied head until he turns into a skull for one last hurrah! HELL YEAH! Definitely the high point for the game.
In the end, it’s hard for me to not have a soft spot for the simple yet rebellious NARC. It’s a pretty faithful arcade port but more importantly it has true co-op (like Contra) which added tons of replay value and always made this a go-to for sleepovers and after-school play sessions. The premise is cool and the criminals are memorable with their laughable caricatures which gives the game charm. It’s not perfect by any means but ultimately it’s fun enough in short bursts to be a rad time whether playing alone or with friends. It might seem like peer pressure but “Just say yes” to NARC to protect and serve these scum-filled streets with your explosive arsenal today!
Critical Analysis
4/5 |
, I’m gonna shoot you directly in the face with a tomahawk missile!
3/5 |
4/5 |
3/5 |
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While many direct ports on the NES were disappointing compared to their arcade big brother (*cough* Bad Dudes), NARC certainly ranks as one of the better ones and is a great addition to your Nintendo collection especially when you factor in its overall ‘tude appeal. I’m surprised at how much R-rated material was allowed to make it into the final product on the kid-friendly 8-bit console considering how many other games had to go through the strict Nintendo censoring process when transferring their I.P. to the NES but it’s here. We should be thankful too because much like Mortal Kombat, this game would have suffered greatly if you altered it too much from its source material which would have alienated fans from an otherwise pretty decent multiplayer action game. In other words, NARC is one of the TRUEST examples of ‘tude, showcasing its direct impact to its subject here perfectly adding flair and pizzazz which polishes up the final product to a blood-splattering/drug-infested shine just like its stand-up cabinet cousin intended. …Almost brings a tear to my eye. Without question, NARC’s most criminal gaming offense lies within its strange controls adapting a 4-button layout poorly to the NES’ limited 2-button rectangle requiring unnecessary appropriation. I swear, having to double-tap buttons to jump and shoot your missiles just feels wrong and never reaches a point of comfort for me no matter how many times I play it. Overall though, NARC’s crimes are misdemeanors compared to the litany of transgressions that many of its contemporaries have committed, helping it add satisfactory gaming “meat” to its robust portion of ‘tudey “potatoes.” In the end, NARC is certainly far from perfect but it’s still a good time with friends or not and should be played by everyone at least once if for no other reason just to experience the 8-bit magnificence of blowing up an enemy to shreds with your rocket launcher (guaranteed laugh)! So if Porsche’s, big guns and justice are your thing (…and they better be), sign up for NARC today and take down Mr. Big and his band of misfits dead or alive… whichever you prefer. |
“How do I get reservations for Hotel Le Snob 
?”
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Published by
Posted on July 4, 2018
My Favorite NBA Team – The Los Angeles Lakers
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presents a
My Favorite
NBA Team
It’s SHOWTIME!!!
First off… 
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (pick’s himself off of floor). Wow… Lebron James signing with the Lakers is a true BOSS move for both parties involved and I wish the King a very fond welcome to the “land of gold”. The Los Angeles Lakers have been my favorite basketball team my whole life and I’m not ashamed to admit that they have spoiled me greatly over the years, winning a treasure room full of NBA championships 
and sporting an alumni of Hall of Fame players 
that is unmatched across the league.
My earliest memories of the purple and gold were in the late 80’s during the Magic Johnson 
era with Showtime basketball. While I wasn’t around yet to enjoy all of the success in this great run (born in 83), the shockwaves of awesomeness were still reverberating during the time that I started to become a fan and this era was still extremely fun and super accessible. After Magic retired (early unfortunately due to HIV), the Lakers went through a rough patch in the 90’s as Michael Jordan 
and the Chicago Bulls became the team of the decade but I knew that it was only a matter of time until the Lakers were going to climb back up to the top of the NBA mountain.
As I first started to come into comprehension, players like Vlade Divac 
and Nick Van Exel 
were the leaders of a young and overachieving team who made playoff runs but did not look like a legitimate title contender. Times were tough as the Lakers were in a perpetual cycle of mediocrity, not bad enough to obtain a high draft pick to help improve the team but also not good enough to compete for a championship with their current roster. Then, in 1996, everything changed with one of the most shocking and headline grabbing personnel moves that started the building of a title contender and changed the way I looked at my beloved Lakers forever. I can still remember how I reacted that day… I was shocked to discover after turning on ESPN that Shaquille O’Neal 
, the world’s most dominant center and my favorite player of all time, had surprisingly left a good situation in Orlando to move out west and join the Los Angeles Lakers 
!!!
WOW!!! I was more than flabbergasted! I really didn’t even know this was a possibility at the time and my brain exploded with all the potential scenarios of this bright new future led by the Diesel. Even without any other stars being with him right away, I was extremely confident about our title chances with just the one addition and could not wait for the season to start. Little did I know that Mr. Kobe Bryant 
would turn into such a stud and also Phil Jackson 
, 6x NBA championship playcaller and mastermind of the triangle offense, would later decide to take the helm as head coach. Holy crap what a team!
It took a few years for all of this to develop but the gelling came together in the 1999-2000 season as the Lakers looked poised to finally return to their championship glory. Still ranking as my personal favorite season ever, the Los Angeles Lakers and their unstoppable 1-2 punch, overseen by the genius of the triangle, were challenged that year by the incredibly deep Portland Trail Blazers, a new type of hybrid squad that played very unselfishly and could bring significant pressure from every single player on their roster. I still remember the cast of characters on both sides very fondly. The Lakers had the most dynamic inside-out duo of all time with Shaq & Kobe
, the aforementioned greatest coach ever in Phil Jackson and a perfectly balanced platoon of complimentary stars and role players such as 3-point ace Glen Rice 
, the point-guard pit-bull Derek Fisher 
, the versatile and clutch Robert Horry 
and the always reliable Rick Fox 
who all bought into the system beautifully.
Meanwhile, the Portland Trail Blazers were coming off of a run to the Western Conference Finals in the previous season and built up an impressively awesome roster that felt like I was playing NBA Live 98 
and trading a bunch of my favorite players onto one team. Wow, what a fun and super deep squad they had – They traded for Scottie Pippen 
the best 2-way player in the game at the time in the offseason, Rasheed Wallace 
was an unguardable and enigmatic new-age power forward who could post-up effectively as well as hit 3’s, Arvydas Sabonis 
was a huge and skillful center who was more like a point guard in a 7′ 3″ body passing the ball like a dream as well as hitting outside shots all while taking up space in the middle, a speed demon and paint penetrating point guard in Damon Stoudamire 
who always created match-up problems against opposing defenders, plus many more fantastic players. Additional assets to this outstandingly deep team include the sharpshooting Steve Smith 
, the tough-as-nails Brian Grant 
, the aggressive and ‘tude-filled Bonzi Wells 
, the talented and post-centric Jermaine O’Neal 
and the “can score from anywhere on the court” Detlef Schrempf 
all corralled in by the intelligent and well-liked Mike Dunleavy 
. I can still remember gulping when after I made all of these transactions in NBA Live 98, they rated #1 in every single category which was the first time I had ever encountered that and I still see them as the best 1-13 lineup that I have ever seen, mixing tough urban players with hard working European fundamentalists.
Throughout the year, LA & Portland played each other 4 times with both teams (of course) winning 2 games apiece. After battling their way through a long regular season, the Lakers and Trail Blazers finished the year with the two best records in the league and seemed destined for a head-on collision between each other with the NBA championship probably going to whoever could win the clash between these two Western Conference titans. Even though the Blazers roster was daunting… I remember not being too intimidated as my confidence in the Lakers was truly the highest it had ever been in any of my favorite teams since I started watching sports.
After an impressive playoff run by both teams, the matchup everyone wanted to see was going to happen as the Lakers and Trail Blazers prepared for a classic Western Conference Finals clash
. I was so geeked for this showdown and got more fully engaged into this sporting event than I think I had ever been in my life which helped catapult my love of sports tenfold. After a super tough and thrilling 6 games, the series came down to a decisive game 7… and I’ll never forget realizing that the feelings that I had been put through the whole season, which had culminated down to this one game, had proven to myself that I was completely emotionally entangled now and I would be crushed if the Lakers somehow lost! There was no turning back… Portland had to go DOWN!
I recalled feeling like a switch had flipped when game 7 started… as if the Lakers wore impenetrable armor into a medieval battle! After the tip, I was shocked at what had unfolded through the first 3 quarters… Portland was dominating the game and entered the 4th quarter with a double digit lead 
! How could this happen? The Lakers had a propensity to play sloppy at intervals but this was definitely not the time for that as the Blazers took advantage and played like a team hungry for the championship.
Negative thoughts rushed through my head during that intermission leading into the 4th. Would it really be Portland vs. Indiana in the NBA Finals? Would the Lakers be able to rebound from this next year? Did Shaq really have some kind of playoff curse? How could we really be in this position since our team feels so perfectly constructed!?… Man, that was a really long block of commercials.
As the final quarter started I was hopeful that the Lakers could somehow get some momentum and climb back into this game… and climb like a Mountain Lion they did. Basketball is a game of runs and the 4th quarter I saw from this great team became a thing of legends as Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal displayed a killer instinct and a will-to-win that was sooo freakin’ beautiful to watch. After a methodical approach that saw them slowly eat into Portlands lead, the Lakers completed the comeback late in the 4th and I’ll never forget coming unglued out of my chair after this play 
!!! HOLY CRAP WE’RE GOING TO THE FINALS!!!
After conquering their toughest opponent all season in the Trail Blazers, the Lakers went on to complete the perfect season by defeating Reggie Miller and the Indiana Pacers to win their first NBA championship since the Magic Johnson days 
, ushering in the new millennium as the next great NBA powerhouse. WOW… they had really done it and the thoughts at that time were so exciting of thinking of how long this dynasty could last! Thank you so much Lakers for giving me this great season as I was there for every game and felt the single greatest amount of gratification for being a fan of any sports team during this year.
They didn’t stop there and continued to spoil me with 2 more championships in a row (to complete an amazing 3-peat) over Philadelphia and New Jersey while also supplying me with some of the most cardiac arrest inducing buzzer beaters of all time such as Robert Horry’s miraculous shot 
in game 4 of the 2001-2002 Western Conference Finals and also Derek Fisher’s amazing 0.04 game winner against the San Antonio Spurs 
in game 5 of the 2003-2004 Western Conference Semifinals. They even won back-to-back championships in 2009 and 2010, the latter being extra sweet as it came at the hands of our most hated rival, the Boston Celtics 
.
Yeah… the Lakers sure haven’t let me down in my lifetime and I can also check old film to see more glory days of how my boys shredded up the league in the past 
, adding yet even more fuel to the Laker fire that burns deep within my soul. Man, its been a great ride and I hope it continues on for the rest of my life as the Laker machine doesn’t look like it has any intentions of slowing down any time soon. For me, after all the titles, great players and astounding history that adorn this legendary top-tier NBA franchise, my favorite memory will still always be that magical 1999-2000 season where the team had not only completed the season perfectly by winning the championship but it was my first ever offseason of experiencing an absolute “sky’s the limit” feel that instilled a pride and satisfaction with my team that I had never experienced yet as an adult. Thank you Los Angeles Lakers for providing my fanhood with tons of awesome times over the years. You will forever be my favorite NBA team.
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Published by
Posted on June 30, 2018
Top 10 Favorite Movie Villains Of All Time
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presents a
Favorite
Movie Villains
Of All Time
Good To Be Bad!
“Sweep the leg… do you have a problem with that 
!?” Let’s face it… being good is BORING! Wouldn’t it be more fun to be a villain? Unlike the vast majority of us “good citizens” plodding through our lives confined by ordinance, bad guys care not for the conventions of decency and pretty much get to do anything that they want. “I like that 
!”
Do you think Darth Vader would put up with being last in line at the DMV? HELL NO… <Force Persuade> “Now calling whatever number Mr. Vader has… 
!” Does The Joker really care if he stayed within his calorie limit for the day? NOPE… “Bring me more Skittles and M & M’s mixed together in a bowl pronto HAHAHAHA
!!!” …Well, you get the idea.
Without question, The ‘Tude Dude loves villains no matter where they’re found (except for real-life of course) and really envies their freedom to do and say whatever the hell is on their minds. Obviously, one of the biggest mediums with which to find the widest array of these laughing menaces is in the world of films. I swear, most of my favorite movies are flanked by some kind of kick-ass bad guy! They have so much more fun no matter if they’re bullying protagonists or spouting some epic dialogue and can allow for some really incredible acting performances by very talented and wide-ranging thespians.
Overall, bad guys come in all shapes and sizes but my favorites seem to have some combination of imposing/cool look and/or funny/psychotic personality. Besides that though, villains are typically bursting out the seams with ‘tude which makes me feel like we have a sort of understanding with each other. Well the time has come to painstakingly figure out which ones are my favorites among the vast rogues gallery of movie villains. So, without wasting any more of the angry mob’s time, let’s get this party started 
!
The following is a list of The ‘Tude Dude’s 10 favorite movie villains of all time.
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) which dominated all the other guys no matter what battle they were in contributing to my feelings of nostalgia and respect for this all-time great bad guy to go along with how imposing he was in the films. Quite frankly, I still can’t contain just how unique and cool he is aesthetically as his visual presence is beyond striking especially when paired with the super epic voice and robot weez! There’s so much more depth to this dude though beyond his extremely intimidating cyborg samurai look and creepy breathing. Learning of his past and comprehending the conflict that rests within his soul, Darth Vader begins to materialize into 2 separate people as you discover that the man behind the suit, Anakin Skywalker, is truly imprisoned inside and cannot escape the fate that befell him when he pledged his loyalty to Chancellor Palpatine (#8 on this list) on Coruscant in an attempt to save his wife Padme’ from visions of her death during childbirth. Burdened with terrible purpose, his former master and best friend, Obi-Wan Kenobi, told Padme’ that her husband had fallen to the dark side and she agreed reluctantly to try and help talk to Anakin in an attempt to bring him back to the light. Together they met Anakin to try and reason with him but it was too late as he had already fallen in anger and felt stronger in the force than he ever had just as the Chancellor (also known as the Sith lord Darth Sidious) had predicted he would if he continued to do his bidding. After refusing to listen to their pleas, Anakin force-choked Padme’ and clashed lightsabers with his old mentor in an epic duel that would decide the fate of the galaxy! Obi-Wan was “victorious” in the fight and left Anakin disfigured where he was rescued by the Chancellor and transformed into the awesome looking and sounding creature that he’s most famous for. Even though he was given the moniker Darth Vader by Palpatine before he was in the suit, I still feel that his official stamp to that title comes after he’s in it and no other Darth personification has ever fit the part better for me. It’s this level of depth and dedication to the character that has me placing Vader at the top of my list as he’s equal parts intimidating and understandable just like the 2 completely individual personalities that formulate his being. “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”|
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Tony Montana (Scarface), Richter (Total Recall), Michael Myers (Halloween series), Ra’s al Ghul (Batman Begins), Clarence Boddicker (Robocop), Apollo Creed (Rocky I & II), Ulysses Klaue (Black Panther), William Stranix (Under Siege), Freddy Krueger (Nightmare On Elm Street series), T-800 (The Terminator), David Lo Pan (Big Trouble In Little China), Jason Vorhees (Friday the 13th series), Lord Blackwood (Sherlock Holmes), Dr. Octopus (Spider-Man 2), Benjamin Kane (Wayne’s World), Lex Luthor (Superman series), M. Bison (Street Fighter), Kylo Ren (Star Wars series), Hans Gruber (Die Hard), Kahn Noonien Singh (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan), The Wet Bandits (Home Alone series), Thanos (Avengers series), Obadiah Stane (Iron Man), Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs), Darth Maul (Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace), Ivan Drago (Rocky IV), Blofeld (James Bond series), Simon Gruber (Die Hard With A Vengeance), Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice), Shao Kahn (Mortal Kombat Annihilation), Zeus (No Holds Barred), Patrick Bateman (American Psycho), Bart “The Man” Taylor (Rad), Bellatrix Lestrange (Harry Potter series), Agent Smith (The Matrix series), Erik Killmonger (Black Panther), Smaug (The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug), General Zod (Superman II), Loki (Thor/Avengers series), Le Chiffre (Casino Royale), The Red Skull (Captain America: The First Avenger), Stan Gable (Revenge of the Nerds), The Vulture (Spider-Man Homecoming), Cyrus the Virus (Con-Air), Tong Po (Kickboxer), Magneto (X-Men series), Howard Payne (Speed), Simon Phoenix (Demolition Man), Bill “The Butcher” Cutting (Gangs of New York), Ultron (Avengers: Age of Ultron), Norman Osborn (Spider-Man), Xenomorphs (Alien series), Bane (The Dark Knight Rises), Castor Troy (Face/Off), Bennett (Commando), Professor Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows), Mrs. Vorhees (Friday the 13th), Fender Tremolo (Cyborg), Anton Chigurh (No Country For Old Men), Ernie McCracken (Kingpin), Attila (Lionheart), Mr. Benedict (Last Action Hero), Boba Fett (Star Wars series), Mr. Blonde (Reservoir Dogs), Justin Hammer (Iron Man 2), Steve (The Italian Job), Alec Trevelyan (Goldeneye), Andrew Scott (Universal Soldier), Nicky Santoro (Casino), Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre series), Vic Deakins (Broken Arrow), The Predator (Predator), Brakus (Best of the Best II), Shang Tsung (Mortal Kombat), Alonzo Harris (Training Day), and the marathon running T-1000 |
(Terminator 2: Judgement Day).Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on June 24, 2018
A Retro Review – Donkey Kong Country
Hit play above for in-game music from this title
Scroll below for review
presents a
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Inflating unexpected charisma into an already beloved classic franchise, Donkey Kong Country hits all the right notes while establishing a new evolutionary foothold in the genre |
Story
Donkey Kong is enjoying a nice happy life on Donkey Kong Island where he has amassed a very large banana collection and is training his nephew Diddy Kong in the ways of the ape. One day the Kremlings, led by King K. Rool, decided that they wanted all of Donkey’s bananas so they stole them and threw Diddy into a barrel for good measure (…how rude). Of course, Donkey ain’t having this so he sets out to free Diddy, find every last banana and put the Kremlings on the extinct list for good measure!
Overview
Donkey Kong Country is a running, jumping and rolling platform game where your object is to make it from the start of the level through various obstacles and enemies on your way to the finish (or exit). Donkey and Diddy can work together (whether playing single or multiplayer) by “tagging” each other in at different times and utilizing their unique abilities. For instance, Diddy can move faster and jump higher while Donkey can defeat some enemies that Diddy cannot and also slam his hands on the ground to damage foes and shake items loose from trees. Both Kongs can attack by rolling (or cartwheeling) and jumping on enemies but can also ride on animal buddies (found randomly in crates) such as Enguarde the Swordfish who can swim with ease and charge forward with his large sword-shaped bill in underwater levels.
The levels are populated with multitudes of Kremlings that block your path as well as the typical hazards that inhabit platform games (most notably pitfalls) but there’s also plenty of unique innovations like barrel blasting and rope swinging that keep this from feeling like just another run and jump affair. The different stages are divided among 6 zones complete with a boss battle at the end of each one guarding entry to the next area. Guide Donkey and Diddy through all the different levels of Donkey Kong Island defeating as many Kremlings as possible (including King K. Rool himself) to retrieve Donkey’s precious banana hoard and complete the game!
Cast
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 Enguarde (protagonist support) Your ticket to swifter travel in the water, Enguarde the swordfish provides the Kongs with the ultimate ocean mount while displaying a happiness that’s hard not to get swept up by at first glance |
 Expresso (protagonist support) Sporting sweet running shoes, Expresso the ostrich tramples the dirt with authority blitzing through levels at high speed when ridden by a Kong while also providing some limited flying ability |
 Rambi (protagonist support) Charging through obstacles like a turbo battering ram, Rambi the rhino rules the roost for the simple fact that he allows a gorilla to ride on his back which would no doubt be one of the most terrifying things that could be bore witness by man if this happened in real life! |
 Winky (protagonist support) The high-flying hopper, Winky the frog helps the Kongs reach high places with his impressive jumping when ridden and apparently found his own batch of Ninja Turtle Ooze which is the only thing that can explain his giant size |
 Very Gnawty (antagonist support) Champion of the Gnawty family, Very Gnawty aligns himself with the Kremlings with little-to-no effort offering the quote – “Nice is for LOSERS!” |
 Master Necky (antagonist support) Part of an ancient race of giant Jurassic birds, Master Necky fears the Kongs rapid advance as a fledgling sign of his own doom prompting his inclusion in King K. Rool’s band of cohorts |
 Queen B. (antagonist support) The mother bee responsible for the recent Zinger outbreak on Kong Island, Queen B. and her drones struggle to live cohesively with the Kongs due to their constant shaking of trees which resulted in the political decision to join forces with the Kremlings |
 Really Gnawty (antagonist support) The REAL Champion of the Gnawty family, Really Gnawty is much more charged up than Very Gnawty though just as bad a strategist |
 Dumb Drum (antagonist support) Giant, dumb and fueled by hatred, the Dumb Drum has the look of an ultimate predator with the precision of a candy-crazed toddler maintaining unknown motives for its inclusion in K. Rool’s army |
 Master Necky Senior (antagonist support) The older brother to Master Necky and leader of the Necky empire, Master Necky Senior was the first to form an alliance with K. Rool combining his flyers with the Kremlings ground forces to launch the initial assault on Donkey’s banana hoard |
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Do Crocodiles Even Like Bananas? (XL section)
How does a game come from complete obscurity (at least for me) to rise up to the level of quality and workmanship that is Donkey Kong Country? I mean, I had absolutely zero expectations for this after reading about it in one of my magazines back in the day and still find myself in shock of just how much I click with Donkey’s first adventure outside of the single-screen arcade world. I can still remember playing this at a house party for the first time and being floored by well… everything. “This is 16-bit Donkey Kong? … COOL!” It was good to see the old goofy gorilla back as the original trilogy of arcade games that bear his likeness are some of my personal favorites not to mention, Donkey Kong the character is as classic as there is across the entire landscape of video games. Plus, he’s now wearing a tie 
letting you know that he means business (very professional)!
Donkey Kong Country is a glorious return to the video game world for Donkey Kong 
(although apparently Cranky Kong in this game is the Donkey Kong from the original arcade days) as this time they decided to turn him into a platform mascot as opposed to an antagonist for Mario. As soon as you turn the game on the music starts out with the original arcade jingle (played by Cranky on an old crank started Gramophone 
… nice touch) instantly giving you memories of quarters lost to the old barrel jumper. Next thing you know our star of the show, Donkey Kong 
, drops in with a huge 90’s boombox 
and a brand new rockin’ tune playing letting you know that it’s out with the old and in with the AWESOME! I’m already hooked…
Donkey Kong Country is certainly unrecognizable compared to any of its arcade predecessors and is more alike with the other great running and jumping platform releases of the time like Super Mario World and Sonic the Hedgehog. Once the game starts, Donkey will flip out of his house and the first thing you’ll notice is a hole in the wall to your left which after entering, our gorilla groundpounder will despair at the sight of his empty banana hoard 
(“Where the HELL are my 5 million bananas!!!”). Without any in-game explanation or exposition, Donkey takes flight and will stop at nothing until he reaches the far right point of the screen (…best story EVER). Well, there is a sort-of story (I guess) found in the instruction manual involving Donkey tasking his apprentice Diddy with guarding the bananas for hero training or some junk but who cares??? All you have to know is some crocodile dude stole your merchandise, locked your pal into a nearby barrel and is now living on borrowed time… done.
Jumping on enemies, swinging from ropes, blasting out of cannon-like-barrels, swimming underwater (perfect for gorillas by the way) and riding in mine carts are some of the highlights as you traverse through 6 worlds in a quest to find King K. Rool 
(leader of the Kremlings) and pound him into crocodust! You’ll notice in seconds the game’s tight controls, catchy music and unique graphics instantly catalyzing the grand adventure before you. After freeing your nephew Diddy 
(still pending a DNA test) from the first shaking barrel you come across, you’ll partake in a new style of platform game as now you can tag in your buddy (whether playing single or multiplayer) allowing you to utilize the talents of whichever Kong you’re controlling.
Diddy is faster than Donkey and can jump farther but has trouble killing certain enemies which adds a strategic approach when tagging each other in at different points of a level. This also comes into play if you lose a Kong as getting hit once ends a turn resulting in circumstances where your “stuck” with one where the other would have been more appropriate adding more nuance to the multiplayer dynamic previously unrealized within the genre. Your main attacks involve jumping on an enemy or rolling (cartwheeling for Diddy… yipeeee) though my favorite way to dispatch foes in this game is by chucking a barrel right at their FACE 
(smile for me CROCS)! The Kongs can also find animal buddies and employ their unique skills to attack enemies like charging them with Rambi the Rhino 
or bouncing on top of them with Winky the Frog 
giving you even more ways to spread destruction to the wildlife of Donkey Kong Island in addition to being able to absorb an additional hit from an adversary so be sure to break these guys out of their confinement whenever you come across them.
In terms of collectable items, it’s all about the bananas 
! The Kongs find these delicious fruits everywhere though they don’t do much other than giving you more lives if you can collect 100 or more of them at a time (just like coins in Mario). Still, isn’t the point of the game to get Donkey’s bananas back! I feel a sensation of justified re-collecting as I’m gathering these as if Donkey’s like- “Oh hell naw… ain’t gonna be any bananas missing from my collection I’m gettin’ every last one!!!” Some additional items to look out for include 1-up balloons 
, gold animal icons that lead to a bonus area when three of the same are collected 
and letters that spell the word KONG 
(granting a 1-up when all are gathered) scattered randomly throughout the stages.
The enemies are represented by animals which is fitting for this jungle like setting. Snakes 
, giant bee’s 
(YIKES), bi-pedal crocodiles 
and many more dot the playing field and are all begging for a steel keg to the teeth 
! There’s boss battles too which brings more variety to the game but for the most part they are a little lacking and not too difficult to overcome which is a barely-noticeable letdown. The final battle against King K. Rool is pretty epic however and deserves mention as one of my favorite end boss encounters in any platform game as you dodge falling cannonballs and the King himself amidst an outstandingly memorable musical score. Overall, the gameplay in Donkey Kong Country is excellent thanks mainly to the variety of levels that you’ll traverse through (man do I love the water stages in this game) which has you doing something unique in pretty much each progressive area with your Kong buddies.
The controls are unquestionably some of the best that I have ever encountered in gaming and are a big part of why this is so easy to pop in today. Everything just feels right whether swinging from ropes or blasting out of a spinning barrel and it’s very satisfying to conquer a tough level after making a tricky jump or avoiding a hard-to-dodge enemy. Pound for pound these handles can match-up with any controls found across the gaming spectrum and deserve recognition for supplying Donkey Kong Country with a much more visceral experience as your brain connects with the game at the sub-atomic level.
The music is absolutely outstanding as well with every stage providing foot tapping beats and beautiful melodies that pair with the game like a fine wine. Whether drifting off into a calming trance with the ultra serene sounds found in the underwater levels or kickin’ it to overdrive with the heavier riffs in the factory stages (sound bar above), the music is amazing and a perfect compliment that always has me JAMMIN’ out! The sound effects are clear and distinctive while also being funny (with the Kongs grunts and random enemy noises like Krushas giggle 
to name a few) and remain a constant instant-memory tick every time I hear them which accounts for their level of quality.
Visually, the game is interesting to say the least. At the time of its release, Donkey Kong Country introduced a new graphical style by using 3-d models and compressing them into 2-d for the SNES which looked amazing and revolutionary in 1994. Nowadays however, I find a lot of the backgrounds appear muddy and “squished” together and the over world screens are just plain unacceptable resembling something created by a kindergarten class. Many of the sprites still please the eyes though especially the Kongs themselves 
and they move with a rotoscoped fluidity that reminds me of Out of This World or Flashback which has always been a visual style that I appreciate from this era.
I feel like the game is trying to convey some ‘tude with the opening boombox scene displaying a radical “changing of the guard” and some other characters (Funky Kong is gnarly dude 
) though overall Donkey Kong Country has more of an atmospheric anyone-can-play feel to it with its charming aesthetic combined with a harmless plot and characters which prevents an overabundance of superficial edginess from being found in the game. Still, as cool as it would have been if Donkey sported sunglasses and an “I Luv Pauline” arm tattoo, it really wouldn’t have changed much in the grand scheme. In some ways, Nintendo’s kind of being ‘tudey by not force feeding any rebelliousness in this title when so many other platform games at the time were relying on cheap gimmicks to set themselves apart. Be that as it may, the ‘Tude Meter doesn’t lie detecting a moderately rebellious title after analyzing which is par for Nintendo’s “play-it-safe” course.
One of the best ways that I can sum up Donkey Kong Country is that it is simply one of the easiest and most fun pick-up-and-play games that I have ever come across in my life. The controls are a breeze to handle and the music is so good that you’ll become a lap bongo drummer before you know it. Plus, its simple learning curve and versatility as both a great single and multiplayer experience make it a prime choice for gamers of all varieties. In a generation defined by platform titles and mascots, Donkey Kong Country turned in an awesome performance that will make you glad to help the Kongs find those bananas again and again. In fact, all this banana talk is making me want one… mmmmmmm!
Critical Analysis
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WOW, what a stellar performance from start to finish! While the Mario Bros. series had always been the staple and measuring stick for great Nintendo first-party “run n’ jump” titles, Donkey Kong Country swung in on a vine outta nowhere to claim a seat at the table of the highest-order right away establishing itself among its peers with the impact of a silverback gorilla’s ground pound! With an outstanding combination of hairline-precision controls, ridiculously awesome music and robust level variety, Donkey Kong Country is pure unadulterated fun showcasing many of the best traits that fuel the lifeblood of the platforming genre while simultaneously innovating several new ideas to the difficult-to-experiment-with formula. I mean, who doesn’t want to charge through army helmet-wearing alligators and armadillo legions with a pair of primates riding a rhino at maximum speed while a bass-thumpin beat propels you forward? …And that’s literally just 1 of the stupidly amazing out-of-context scenarios that you’ll find yourself in after Donkey finds his bank vault-like banana hoard stolen from the game’s onset. As far as detriments go, Donkey Kong Country’s visuals aren’t exactly what I would call “eye-candy” with over world screens and backdrops appearing like abstract Rorschach ink-blot tests at times though the sprite work deflects much of this criticism. Additionally, like many other Nintendo first-party products, the game lacks a resolute grittiness suspending the laws of realism to ensure a family-friendly product which doesn’t exactly warm itself up to someone like myself. Honestly, these mentions (and any others) are entirely minuscule though and only worth noting so you know that it was actually diagnosed from an analytical perspective since I’m usually having WAY too much fun rolling into snakes and jumping mine carts from track to track to really ever notice any of these slights. In the end, Donkey Kong Country is without question one of the most satisfying and simple to pick up and play games EVER beating its chest proudly as it gazes down on the crowded undertow of inferior titles below it. In the grand exhibit of video game culture, there can be no denying the masterpiece status that affixes itself among this epic adventure of potassium intake! |
“I guess I’m not the only one coming up with zingers 
around here!”
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on June 22, 2018
Street Fighter The Movie – Who Made This Anyways?
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
Who Made
This Anyways?
Sonic BOMB!
“QUICK, change the channel 
!” Man… if only movie theaters came with remotes when I saw this during release I may have actually taken up old Zangief and flicked away from this awful disappointment. To this day, I’m still trying to figure out who made this unfaithfully atrocious film anyways (I’m sure it’s probably a group of corporate suits who have no idea what a flash kick or hundred-hand slap is but I digress. Street Fighter the movie FAILS on so many levels from start to finish that its got me feeling like the Red Cyclone after an all-night vodka binder
. “That was beautiful 
.”
To put this movie in its proper context as a hyperbolic travesty of epic proportions (…my opinion at least), we’ll have to go ALL the way back to the radical recklessness of the early 90’s – a time beset by quarter devouring arcade machines and box-office action films as far as the eye could see! Starting off on the video game side of things, Street Fighter II: The World Warrior 
SLAMMED into the Earth like a comet from space and left a crater of influence in the world that is still feeling reverberations today! Was there even a Street Fighter 1? Of course 
however its EXTREME rarity was surpassed only by its chunky execution as it faded away into the sea of oblivion. Meanwhile, its sequel caught lightning in a bottle satisfying the rising tide of popularity that had cascaded within the fighting genre as it became the standard of excellence to measure all others against!
If you walked into a mall arcade or Chuck E. Cheese’s in the 90’s, a typical bombardment of random bleeps and bloops would rain down upon your ears instantly creating an inventory in your mind of what games were available however no sustained sound perked-up my quick-discernment senses more than the ultra-distinctive symphony of Street Fighter II’s dialogue like “Hadoken” (yelled by either Ryu or Ken as they throw their projectile attack) or “Tiger Uppercut” (Sagat’s vertical-themed special punch) which let you know that a World Warrior cab was loitering nearby. Whenever this occurred, it would draw me straight to it like a moth to a flame and I got swept up into the fighting fever as much (or more) as any other kid during this period! A lot of times, it had a crowd around it as it was one of the most fun and attractive arcade games of that generation presenting a daunting yet rewarding challenge from either the computer or opposing players. The home versions were equally cool as being able to have tournaments with your friends became a staple of many ‘tude era kids weekends. While there were a boatload of other great fighters at this time, Street Fighter II provided homes and arcades with arguably the top fighting game ever made.
Now we’ll take a look at the motion picture portion of this equation. Action movies were a dime a dozen during this time, producing boatloads of awesome heroes willing to do whatever it takes to stop the bad guys and deliver a happy ending to the audience 
. While most of these films serve as guilty pleasures and fun unintentional comedies now, they were cool as all hell back then and for us living in the ‘tude era, these superstars fueled our imaginations when the credits started to roll carrying through afterwards when we started slammin’ games into our consoles.
Now of course, there were movie licensed games for the home systems such as Judge Dredd 
and Predator 
but for the most part these games sucked and did not provide the same kind of fun action experience that the movies did. This was primarily due to poor level design and consistency issues with the film that the game is based on. It was at this time that many of us turned to a radical, up-and-coming genre, to get our movie-to-game fix that had rose up in the arcade world like a bursting volcano – Fighting games.
Fighters such as Karate Champ 
and Yie Ar Kung-Fu 
would sate our hand-to-hand lust a little after watching martial arts movies like Enter the Dragon and Bloodsport ( “Aren’t you a little old for video games 
“?) despite lacking a feature film tie-in but they were still just an appetizer compared to Street Fighter II, which entered the lexicon at just the right time during this heyday of action and fighting movies. One of the biggest martial arts superheroes of this period was the star of the aforementioned Bloodsport, Jean-Claude Van Damme, where he played as the seemingly unbeatable Frank Dux plowing through a litany of world warriors on his way to winning a kick-ass samurai sword for his master. Sounds like a similar plot to Street Fighter to me… therefore, watching this movie (one of my favorites of all time I might add and probably the best example that could be used for this kind of topic) has always inspired me to want to play the best fighting game ever made, either at home or in the arcades. Naturally, this progressed into many crossover ideas as imaginations ran wild with dreams of grandeur.
“What if they made a Street Fighter II movie based on the game dude” was discussed many times by me and my friends at the cafeteria table and on the school bus. At the time, it seemed like it was maybe one of the coolest ideas ever but perhaps a little too farfetched since video games hadn’t reached a mainstream status… yet. Little did I know though, there were pieces coming together for a film and when I first saw sneak previews of Street Fighter the movie in my new issue of EGM, I was stoked beyond belief… VAN DAMME!!! One of my favorite stars from the ‘tude era was going to get top billing in what I thought was going to be one of the most insanely awesome movies ever made. AHHHHHHH 
!!! After that, I ate up as much Street Fighter news as possible and couldn’t wait to further speculate with friends about how rad this film was going to be!
Would it be presented as something like Bloodsport with a tournament setting pitting all the world warriors against each other? Will they use cool special effects to give the real-life characters fireball projectile moves similar to their video game counterparts? Is Van Damme going to grow a blonde flat-top? No matter where our imaginations took us, just knowing that they were making a Street Fighter movie (and it was starring Van Damme) got a bunch of us extremely excited and we simply could not wait for the film’s release.
Months went by and my anticipation continued to build patiently waiting for the movie to come out. The day finally came and I glowed with anticipation as I sat down in that theater seat to watch the brand new movie that I knew was going to define my generation. *rubs hands together* “Here we go!” … (approximately 1 hour and 42 minutes later) Ummmmm… what the hell did I just watch 
? This movie is beyond dumb! Honestly, I tried to view this atrocity again before writing this and I can say with absolute certainty that this film has sucked at every stage in its life. It was nothing like I expected (which can sometimes be good in movies but definitely not this time) and boring… boring… BORING!
First off, before I proceed with Sonic Booming this into the farthest reaches of my lost memories, I have to give Raul Julia’s M. Bison some love 
. This guy’s performance is WAY too good for this dung pile of a film. “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.” This guy is so much fun to watch and every scene he’s in has something entertaining in it 
.
Okay, so that’s pretty much the only thing I like about this trash heap so let’s call it a day… oh, I haven’t talked about the ridiculous plot (why the hell aren’t they just fighting each other???) or the fact that the acting and choreography was beyond b-rated. I truly can’t understand what Van Damme is saying in this movie either. I know he’s from Belgium and has an accent but for some reason he sounds more muffled and throaty than he usually does, making most of his lines sound really stupid – “Bison, your off the air 
!!!” Hell, come to think of it, everyone has stupid lines in this movie – “… You got paid ?” 
… well, except for Zangief but I digress.
Also, some of my favorite characters from the game act nothing like they should such as Ryu and Ken, who are more like sleazy hustlers in this and less like the kick-ass, world traveling warriors that we’re used to. Some very questionable character designs for the film as well. How did we go from this 
to this 
anyways (T. Hawk??? More like T. Pigeon… *taps mic* This thing on?)?… Who knows? Bottom line is Street Fighter is complete crap from start to finish and it has served as one of the biggest and most reality inducing disappointments for me in my young and impressionable life.
I’m still not sure who made this anyways in the sense that most of our idea’s as kids were much better than what we got. Obviously, it would be a challenge to incorporate a large cast into a 1 1/2 – 2 hour film but it would be a task that I’m sure many people would have been willing to take without a doubt. I think a big part of Street Fighter’s problem is the fact that it tries to squeeze every last character into the movie (do we really need 
Dee Jay in this?) when they could have just focused on maybe 3 or 4 characters. This would have certainly allowed for more street fightin’ and less plot development (it’s a fighting game… people don’t want to watch them talk).
Also, I think it would have been mega cool if instead of trying to shoehorn Van Damme into an already established character (he doesn’t fit with any of the Street Fighter II roles in the game really), why not introduce some killer new Belgium fighter in the movie that later on becomes a playable character in the game
? Whatever dude, I’m done reminiscing! This movie blows and now only exists as a sad memory of what could have been. Time to send it reeling to the abyss for good – SONIC BOOM!!!!!!!
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
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Published by
Posted on June 19, 2018
Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball – A Retrospective Of My Least Favorite Video Game EVER!
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
A Retrospective
Of My Least Favorite
Video Game EVER!
Renter Beware
Ahhh… Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball – quite literally my GRANDEST disdain in the virtual recreation department to date! While most mediocre video game experiences come and go in life with the annoying relevance of a mosquito bite, there are some that stain your soul with an especially putrid and unforgiving stench that make it near impossible to ever forgive (…you hear that Bill – I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU $#@&^%# 
…sheesh sorry about that). You’ll try with futility to play something new to override the frames of memory that have developed in your head over this lackluster affair but the proverbial damage has already been done as a jaded aura of indifference is thrust upon your once-hopeful perspective beyond any control.
For me, the Super Nintendo’s exclusive futuristic basketball battle starring Detroit Pistons brute Bill Laimbeer 
delivers such negative merit across the board that it has forever set a low-bar of gaming judgement upon which to eternally draw comparison. I mean, it’s bad enough that Laimbeer happened to be one of the few appealing NBA stars that I actually knew as a kid but couple that with the sweet “battle-to’the-death” aesthetic that draped itself over one of my favorite sports and I was instantly hooked! Well just like a salmon fresh on the line, it didn’t end well for me either which is why I’ve decided to share my experience of this travesty in my life and its association towards my gaming criticism today with the ultimate agenda being both additional contextualization of The ‘Tude Dude’s perspective as well as a warning to stave off would-be retro spelunkers. So join me as we take a quick glimpse back at quite literally my least favorite video game EVER – Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball 
!
My memory of Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball goes all the way back to when I first received the Super Nintendo 
(along with Super Mario World) for Christmas in 1991. Ripping open that wrapping paper still ranks as one of my personal favorite gifts that I have ever gotten in my life (thanks GRANNY!) and my head was instantly racing with all the possibilities of amazing new games that were now available to me. You see, while my family had owned an NES when I was a kid, we got it sometime in the late 80’s after it had already been out for some time meaning I never got a chance to experience any of its hyperbole during its prime period.
The SNES, on the other hand, was the first console that I ever got while it was brand new which put me in an exclusive club (at least it felt like) that I hadn’t yet experienced. Suddenly, and for the first time in my young life, new sections at rental/game/toy stores were now accessible to me opening up what seemed like endless possibilities for gaming satisfaction! Now, I didn’t have to feel confined to just choosing from one area (the NES section in my case) as cutting-edge games with spiffy new boxes filled adjacent shelves of recognizable releases much to my eye’s delight. What an exciting problem to have and my little mind was going a thousand miles a minute trying to process all this fun new information.
After the first week of playing Super Mario World (my Dad and I beat the game by this point and we loved it), my long awaited excitement to dive into a brand new world for the first time had arrived as my Dad was heading to the local video store to rent some movies and he offered to let me pick a game for the weekend (containing excitement… can’t hold….ERRRR 
!!!). Looking back, my memory is fuzzy about the other options I had that day or if I was hurried or not to pick the game but it doesn’t truly matter since the damage is already done. Many times, I recall that we ordered pizza from the restaurant next door and sometimes this made my parents hustle my brother and I along when we were making our picks as kids so perhaps this was a contributing factor? Regardless of if this was the case or not that day, I will never forget what game I decided to rent for my first ever exciting foray into a new 16-bit world.
As I examined the brand new SNES area that had adorned itself in my local “mom & pop” movie store looking for my first game to rent, there was one title that stood out to me above all the others with a perfect combination of sports and attitude. So many awesome things on this stupid game’s box art I tell you it might as well have just jumped right off that shelf into my accepting hands . Even now, I look at the cover of Combat Basketball and it dupes me into playing it with a promising panorama of awesomeness representing some of the best highlights from ‘tude culture! I mean, you’ve got mohawked Double Dragon thugs, slam dunks, sweet metal combat suits and Bill Laimbeer… the NBA’s version of Rowdy Roddy Piper who would literally clothesline players who tried to drive towards the basket against him 
and one of my personal favorite players of all time. This looks AWESOME!!!
Reading the back of the box further cemented this feeling and instilled even more imaginative thoughts of a dystopian “Rollerball” type future within this game’s universe 
– (the following excerpt is the official description of Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball located on the reverse side of the game’s box) In the 1980’s and 1990’s, there was a legendary rough and tough bad boy of basketball. His name was Bill Laimbeer. Unfortunately, the league didn’t like his style of playing, so they forced him to retire. Now the year is 2030 and Bill Laimbeer has resurfaced as commissioner of the basketball league. He wants to get back at those people who made him retire, and play ball his style! He’s fired all the refs and eliminated all fouls. The players are armored, and the crowd throws weapons and mines on to the court. “This is basketball my way,” exclaims Laimbeer. “No wimps, no wussies! It’s not just basketball. It’s Combat Basketball!” – 
HELL YEAH!!! I love the image of Bill Laimbeer “resurfacing” (where did he go?) to become the league’s new commissioner. I imagine the NBA (or just “the league” as the back of the box puts it) and its executives shredding documents and preparing for complete shutdown amidst failing t.v. ratings and an uninterested fan base and just when it seems like basketball is about to go under for good… the boardroom doors swing open… steam fills the room… a dark silhouette starts to take shape… all right all right, it’s Bill Laimbeer. Let me try that again… it’s BILL LAIMBEER 
!!! 2x NBA champion and leader of the Bad Boy Detroit Pistons from the 1980’s!
“I’m sick of all these sissy fouls and primadonna players! Let’s fire all the refs, start punching people in the face and make fistloads of cash along the way!!!” With that “the league” felt confident enough to turn their entire operation over to the only man that could save it from their tenderfooted sensibilities 
. Sounds like a legitimate story to me! Also, it’s a nice touch to mention that he was “forced” to retire and now wants to get revenge on the people who did it to him adding an 80’s action movie layer of cheese to our bad boy hero. By the way… Bill looks freakin’ incredible for 73 (Laimbeer was born in 1957 and this game takes place in 2030) and the fact that he still wants to suit up and play as well as commission just shows how much more of man he is especially compared to the dainty current roster of athletes.
…All right so the cover is rad as HELL and as nostalgic for me as any other from my favorite period of virtual recollection which was certainly a major influence in this “very” important early-life decision! It basically reminded me of Smash T.V. 
and Arch Rivals 
smushed together which were 2 games that helped to shape my early adoration of ‘tude. Not to mention I have loved the NBA my whole life in addition to being a big fan of Bill Laimbeer (ranks #6 on my Top 10 Favorite NBA Players Of All Time list) so yeah… I rented it… and Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball gained the very prestigious honor of being the first ever new game that I inserted into my fresh Super Nintendo foregoing MUCH more impressive (and available) titles like Final Fight 
and Gradius III 
.
Upon my initial playthrough I can recall being intrigued with the customizing options as your offered a league mode complete with team editing (allowing for names and colors to be changed) and control of up to 8 squads out of 32 battling it out in a season which was not exactly expected. Pair that with the “high-tech” mode-7 startup screen of the future b-ball spinning its way into the hands of the titular hero and I was more than ready to dive fist-first into what I was SURE was going to be a successful Neil Armstrong-like step in my SNES journey. I mean, what could go wrong when you’ve got this crew of basketball hotshots straight-up SHOWING OUT for your game’s title screen 
? Time to press start…
*10 minutes later* “WHY Bill? How could you let this happen?” I was stunned – The game was bland, sluggish, confusing, sounded like crap and had some of the WORST graphics I had ever seen (top down Zelda-like view of a basketball court??? yeah we’re really playing with super power now… ugh) and believe me, I tried my heart out to make some kind of lemonade out of this pile of tarty unripened ferment since rentals were not something that happened all the time but it absolutely didn’t work… this game SUCKS hard (it’s a chore just to figure out how to shoot the dumb ball which is outright ridiculous) coalescing negative critiques in every single category! Now (up to this very moment), the memory of that extremely long weekend of trying to reconcile this depressingly awful rental has stayed with me ever since as a resonating reminder of innocence-lost during a time of unapologetic fun! Though I could elaborate further about Combat Basketball’s beyond-mediocre credentials, I’ll save that for a Retro Review (if my stomach can ever handle one) so let’s just say… give it a shot if you dare and taste the stench of Laimbeer’s armpits in virtual-form for yourselves 
!!!
Geez, how could this happen anyways? After such an exciting beginning to my Super Nintendo life with Super Mario World 
, the very next game that I play was THIS bad?!! To be honest, it kind of scared me for the future prospects of my new super powered behemoth that I had been proudly flaunting around my friends. Were these the kinds of games that I could expect to play on the Super Nintendo? How did this title even make it past the test phase?
Luckily, subsequent rentals such as Super Castlevania IV 
and F-Zero 
convinced me to let go of this fear and move full steam ahead with the SNES but forgetting Combat Basketball has proven to be an exercise in futility over the years for me. It was like Bill himself would mock me from the cover art as I would pass by the game in the narrow aisles of my local rental store. Even though I (of course) never procured it again, a seed was planted in my brain and I heard Laimbeer’s voice somehow ranting aggressive chatter into my plane of existence… “Your still playing that dumb sissy NBA JAM boy??? Why don’t you JAM in some Combat Basketball and be a real MAN 
!!!” or “What are you thinking renting that pansy NBA Live again maggot… You know there is no other basketball game… or game PERIOD, that can shine the shoes of my Combat Basketball 
!!!”
“Screw you Bill I’ll never play your stupid game again” I would yell belligerently back to him in my head (geez, I probably should talk to a shrink about this). “Combat Basketball is literally the worst piece of donkey crap that I have ever played in my entire life!!!” My disdain for this title only grew from there as it became the ultimate measuring stick for how bad a game was to me representing the absolute worst that my favorite medium had to offer with its combination of lofty expectation mixed with horrible execution.
For example – “Yeah Home Improvement 
blows chunks but at least it’s not Combat Basketball” or “Wow I hate Back To The Future II & III 
but I still think I hate Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball more!” Yeah, that about sums it up. Thanks for the memories Bill! Because of you I learned about video game buyer’s remorse, gained several psychological problems and discovered one of Larry Bird’s ugliest faces of all time 
! These many combined factors create a dung pile the likes of which The ‘Tude Dude has never encountered before or since and without question Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball is my least favorite video game EVER!
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
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Published by
Posted on June 16, 2018
Top 10 Favorite Video Game Magazines Of All Time
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
Favorite
Video Game
Magazines Of
All Time
Subscription Rates Need Not Apply
“Get the Power… Nintendo Power!!!“ During the jurassic period (long before the magical internet spider arrived from space and spun its world wide web over the Earth connecting all forms of life together digitally 
), pretty much all video game content came in the form of print-media magazines meaning that if you wanted to get the latest information on new releases and professional reviews, then having a subscription to one of these awesome publications was going to be your best bet to stay up-to date. But which one should you choose? Well that all depends on what exactly your into… I guess (geez, real inspirational).
Some magazines covered more strategy type stuff (Tips & Tricks 
& Expert Gamer 
), some were first-party only periodicals (Nintendo Power 
& Sega Visions 
) and others were review/preview publications focusing on every system (Electronic Gaming Monthly 
& GamePro 
). Regardless of whichever one you chose, you were sure to be inundated with a ton of cool video game-related data whether it be a level map helping guide you through a previously impossible-to-comprehend section or a critical analysis giving you the vital, money-saving info you needed to help decide whether to rent or buy.
To be honest, I can’t imagine the video game world without these rad ‘zines as they filled my head with tons of knowledge (“wait til’ the kids on the bus hear about this 
“ ) and got my mind racing with imagination as well that was occasionally accompanied by disappointment (“man, I can’t wait to spend my allowance to rent Back to the Future II & III for the NES this is gonna be awesome, thanks GamePro! … *5 days later*… SCREW YOU GamePro!!! This game is balls! AHHHHHHHH @&$@##*&!!!!!!!!!” 
)… SHEESH, bad memory there but you get the drift. Now where was I? … *CLEARS THROAT*… “Higher and higher, fighting your way through enemy FIRE 
!!!”
The following is a list of the ‘Tude Dude’s 10 favorite video game magazines of all time.
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who doesn’t love these guys?) with solid writing to deliver an excellent source for rental/buying information. Not to mention, it was the first mag I knew about which covered all platforms instead of just one which was kind of mind blowing for my poor little naive brain, increasing the value of every issue I could get my grubby little mutts on ten-fold. Annoying my Mom constantly with questions after school of “Did my mag come today or what?!”… GamePro will always be remembered fondly and is as nostalgic to me in gaming as any other magazine in the |
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 Official Dreamcast MagazineMuch like the Sega Dreamcast itself, Official Dreamcast Magazine came and went too fast and now remains nothing more than a happy memory. |
 Computer Gaming WorldYet another thick and deep-rooted periodical dedicated solely to PC gaming, Computer Gaming World was always a cool read if I could ever get my hands on one. |
 Mega PlaySega’s “other” Genesis-centered magazine was actually an EGM subsidiary that brought similarly memorable covers to Sega Visions as well as its own brand of ‘tudey style. |
 Official Xbox MagazineStarting off its life around the same time of the launch of the original Xbox, Official Xbox Magazine brought content exclusive to the green brand while also including awesome demo discs. |
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NEXT Generation, Xbox World, Gamer’s Republic, Official PlayStation Magazine, Computer and Video Games, Games for Windows: The Official Magazine, Game Developer and the super sick Retro Gamer |
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
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radwriting@thetudedude.com
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-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
Posted on June 16, 2018
Top 10 Favorite ‘Tudey Platform Mascots From The NES, SNES And Sega Genesis Era
Scroll below and enjoy
presents a
Favorite ‘Tudey
Platform Mascots
From The
And
Era
Thank You Mario But Our ‘Tude Is In Another Mascot
While the ‘tude era to me can be defined by many things, perhaps one of the most tangible ways of looking at it is by observing the glut of rebellious mascot characters from the NES, SNES and Sega Genesis generation. Whether it be a kick ass pair of shades or some Air Jordan-looking sneakers, platform mascots of this generation were constantly trying to out ‘tude each other all vying for your hard-earned time (and dollars) to be spent exclusively on them. Whoever asked for all these titles anyways? Obviously game companies were trying to ride Sega’s coattails after the success of Sonic the Hedgehog but attempting to recreate that (especially for a non first-party title) seemed like an exercise in futility in my opinion.
The basic recipe works like this – Take a name and combine it with an animal and… *WALAA* you’ve got yourself a video game mascot 
. Add a mohawk, biker gloves or other various signs of outwardly expression to increase their attitude differential
. Also, be sure to design the gameplay around jumping and moving your character through stages while collecting 100 pieces of… something in order to obtain an extra life. Am I missing anything? OH YEAH – the main protagonist has to get really annoyed when you leave him idle for too long 
and… well you get the picture. Even though this is a generalization, it’s certainly how I (and I’m sure many others) viewed these kinds of games which probably prompted me to avoid them more times than not when making crucial rental and purchase decisions.
Well now that the dread of being “stuck” with a poor gaming choice is mostly a thing of the past, I went back and played through a bunch of these old jumpers and runners and was surprised to find that I actually enjoyed many of these titles while simultaneously researching whose main protagonist brought it the most in the angst department! Though I wasn’t totally wrong about the cheesy cut and paste characters when I was a kid, there are definitely some that stand out to me more from the ‘tude era and the quality of the release your featured in certainly doesn’t hurt. Who knew video game mascots besides the obvious could actually star in a decent-to-fun game? Damn my pessimistic younger self… quick Doc, let’s jump in the DeLorean and convince adolescent ‘Tude Dude to try some of these games before he rents Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball and loses all hope… *guns it to 88* 
!!!
The following is a list of The ‘Tude Dude’s 10 most ‘tudey platform mascots from the NES, SNES and Sega Genesis era.
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– not exactly a direct enemy to the Mushroom Kingdom’s best leak-stopper but more a long-term rival who basks in the failures of his red-shirted nemesis while maintaining his own independent agenda that doesn’t necessarily have to interfere with Mario’s. This approach to long-winded malevolence (coupled with his own successes in a starring role) has helped to cloak Wario in a |
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meets the Fonz 
motif, who also rocks at video games? Sounds pretty great until you realize that underneath the edgy coating lies just another run-of-the-mill platform game where you collect power-ups and jump on the heads of uninspired enemies. As a kid, I can remember this being one of the first examples of being totally hooked by the gimmick and then a little disappointed by the premise (an okay game, just not my favorite) showcasing for me the importance of hype and its place among our critical sensibilities. Similar to Toejam & Earl, Kid Chameleon was pushed hard during Sega’s run of |
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who obviously couldn’t hang leading into the 90’s with his “way too soft” approach (I mean he plays rock, paper, scissors with level bosses instead of killing them for Pete’s sake!) necessitating the arrival of the “blue blur” to spearhead Sega’s campaign of coolness. Coupled with the Genesis’ new “Blast Processing” advertising slogan, Sonic charged through all in his path on the way to long-standing video game relevance which he’s still enjoying today. With the adrenaline propensity of a professional stuntman mixed with a face that screams “get out of my way”, Sonic The Hedgehog best represents the qualities that make up a |
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Sparkster (Rocket Knight Adventures), Chuck Rock, Radical Rex, Mohawk & Headphone Jack, Air Zonk, Vectorman, Cool Spot, Plok!, Aero the Acro-Bat, Alfred Chicken, Diddy Kong (Donkey Kong Country series), Jazz Jackrabbit, b.o.b., Zool, Chuck D. Head (Decap Attack), Jim Power (Jim Power: The Lost Dimension in 3-D), Yoshi, Normy (Normy’s Beach Babe-O-Rama), Bonk, James Pond, Mick & Mack (M.C. Kids series), Boogerman, Havoc (High Seas Havoc), Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel, Headdy (Dynamite Headdy) and… *sigh* |
Thanks for reading! Questions/Remarks/Suggestions?
Leave below in the comments section or…
E-Mail The ‘Tude Dude
radwriting@thetudedude.com
Follow The ‘Tude Dude
-Pushing Reviews to the EDGE!
Published by
